jaded lies :: truth may be best unknown
by peridot mousey
Summary: When a father loves a son so much that he betrayed him, perhaps the truth is best unknown. Fill the boy's mind with jaded lies, for the truth is best unknown. Never confess to what you've done, for the truth is best unknown. (part two complete!)
1. question reality :: things are never as ...

Snap.  
  
Hiss.  
  
Snap.  
  
Hiss.  
  
Piercing blue light crackled impatiently. It was as though the jedi's weapon was growing as impatient as its owner.  
  
Snap.  
  
Hiss.  
  
Snap.  
  
Hi-  
  
"Master!" he screamed as though his very heart were being ripped from his chest. Blue-gray eyes widened in horror. Hands trembled. Heart pounded. Snap. Hiss.  
  
That damned, red, laser security curtain lifted and released the young jedi padawen from his cage. He ran to his master. He ran to the attacker. Without thought, he ran. Flew. Soared.  
  
Fallen Master laid upon the floor in a crumpled heap. It looked as though the vicious red blade of the Sith had pierced completely through him. "Things are never as they seem, young Obi-Wan." Qui-Gonn thought as he continued to play the part he had chosen for himself.  
  
Blue sabre met red sabre with violent contact. Blue thrust. Red blocked. Blue slashed. Red defended. Blue attacked without thought. Always without thought. "Head before heart, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gonn thought. Red struck back. Seeing an opportunity, the Sith struck the reckless jedi with a swift kick. Blue couldn't strike back.  
  
Qui-Gonn's eyes grew wide with worry as his padawen went soaring down into the abyss. "I really thought he was ready... Oh, what have I done!" he thought as the reality began to sit upon his shoulders like the weight of the world.  
  
Suddenly green moved, but not by its usual master's command. Green was summoned, and naturally green flew to the call. Obi-Wan leapt from the abyss with green sabre in hand. With one swift swipe, the Sith was cut in two.  
  
Snap.  
  
Hiss.  
  
There was no time for victory's sweet rejoice. Only one thought dared to dance across Obi-Wan's fragile mind. Master. Within a moment after the defeat, Obi-Wan was there by his master's side. Those innocent blue-gray eyes begged, pleaded for something to hold onto.  
  
"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gonn whispered between his gasps for air, "You are ready for the trials, but..."  
  
"Yes, Master?" Obi-Wan responded, wide-eyed and hanging upon his master's every word.  
  
"Do not train the boy." Qui-Gonn stated firmly.  
  
"But, Master, you thought he was the one. I shall train him if that's what you wanted." Obi-Wan replied.  
  
"No, Obi-Wan. It is too dangerous. Even I would be concerned about the boy's training. I forsee that you will become a great jedi knight. Don't worry about the boy. Face the trials and find your own destiny. The will of the Force has a plan for your promising life, Obi-Wan; don't waste it trying to live out mine." Qui-Gonn said.  
  
Obi-Wan nodded.  
  
"Now, leave me, Obi-Wan. The Force is taking me soon. I need to be alone." Qui-Gonn stated.  
  
"Of course, Master." Obi-Wan whispered as he slowly stood.  
  
No other words were exchanged between the master and the padawen. Obi- Wan did as he was told. He quietly left his master in his requested solitude.  
  
Qui-Gonn finally sighed. He knew he wasn't going to die just yet. He hadn't been hit that terribly. A mild burn scarred him skin-deep. However, something had wounded his heart deeper than any sabre could.  
  
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, but it has to be this way. To train the boy, I will have to go against the wishes of the jedi council. Even if you complete the trials, I doubt the council will allow me to train the boy. I've rebelled against them before, and I shall do it again. There's no need to ruin your future with my nature. This boy must be trained. Surely you can understand that. Perhaps not, though, which is why it must be this way." he thought as he slowly rose to his feet.  
  
[Like it so far? I'll continue if ya want.] 


	2. sad seperation :: never let go

[Wow, thanks sooo much for the reviews! All that nice feedback truly amazes me. You're all so sweet! Just for that, here's another chapter!]  
  
  
  
He was distraught to say the least. An intense wave of agony swept over him and proceeded in its attempts to drown Obi-Wan's weary spirit. He retraced his steps and leaps back to the hanger, but with each movement he felt as though a piece of heart shattered.  
  
Sleet, yellow fighter planes were drifting into the hanger. The returns were quite unorganized. Sometimes three would fly in together. Sometimes just one would trail behind. "They got seperated," Obi-Wan mused, "but they returned. The seperation was not permanent. How lucky for them. How lucky indeed."  
  
With heavy footsteps, Obi-Wan walked past the small group of rejoicing fighter pilots. However, the sight in the street was all but pleasing to his mournful eyes. Gungans and Naboo were rejoicing over their victory together in the street. They were singing, dancing, laughing. "If they only knew... but even if they did, would it matter to them? They deserve to rejoice. Their victory is a well-earned one. But..." he thought, but he quickly dismissed it. It was too late for the what if's and but's. It was over. Over. The very word taunted him, haunted him. Over. Over...  
  
Upon entering the palace, his eyes were still not greeted by a welcoming sight. The palace officals were beeming with joy, although it was much more quite and formal than the behavior of the general public outside the palace walls. The viceroy, now as bitter inside as he had always looked outside, was signing the new treaty. Obi-Wan silently observed. He had no where else to go at the present time.  
  
Still dressed in handmaiden's attire, the young queen proudly watched the signing of her treaty. She had fought her own battle and won. That glorious fact brought forth her rare and beautiful smile. She glanced around at the officals present, but her gaze stopped when she saw Obi-Wan. Despite the grand victory, he was just standing there completely expressionless. "Even the jedi can't be so cold as to not smile at such an occasion." she thought. She studied him silently and took note of his usually pensive demeenor. He would stand there with his eyes fixed upon a certain point as though he were within the deepst of thoughts then suddenly he would sigh and move to another point. His eyes, usually marble-like and innocent, glistening with a haunting gaze as though their innocence had been suddenly stolen.  
  
When the negoiations were finished properly, she made her way across the room. She was stopped frequently though by the pats on the back and nods of approval and quietly voiced compliments. "Obi-Wan," she addressed him softly.  
  
"Congratulations, your majesty," Obi-Wan stated before the royal interrogation could commence, "it must be nice to have won such a battle for your people." His tone held no emotion. He refused to meet her gaze, for he feared she would be able to peer into his heart and stare at the very source of his agony. He would tell her, of course, but he would never let his emotions be revealed.  
  
"Thank you, and yes, it is very nice. This victory seems to have lifted the broken spirit of Naboo. Everyone seems to be happy, except for this one jedi I know who won't even smirk..." she said, playfully trying to make him talk.  
  
"Your majesty, I must tell you something. I hate to tell you this in the midst of your victory, but..." he began but paused to regain control of the waves of emotion that continued to sweep over him.  
  
There was a deafening silence between them. Obi-Wan had always seemed so strong and confident. Since their first meeting, he was performing such impressive feats. Fighting droids. Keeping Jar-Jar quiet. Piloting the ship. Formulating plans. Obeying commands. Forever living in his master's shadow. A realization suddenly occured to her. This was the first time she had ever spoken to Obi-Wan without his master present. She looked up at him. He didn't appear so strong and confident. A certain haunting sadness danced within his gray-blue eyes.  
  
"What... what is it..." she questioned, silently fearing the worst.  
  
"We went after the Sith. It was a difficult battle. We hadn't ever faced such a battle. The Sith were thought to be gone. But... we got seperated. The security doors came between us. If only I'd been just a little faster..." he said, his tone becoming softer as his voice began to crack ever-so-slightly.  
  
"Oh Obi-Wan," Amidala whispered as she suddenly embraced him.  
  
She softly began to shed the tears Obi-Wan refused to show. He placed a comforting arm around the young queen as her tears continued to stream down her lovely face for the jedi knight she held much respect and gratitude toward.  
  
A single tear fell from Obi-Wan's gray-blue eye and landed softly against Amidala's cheek. She glanced up at him and noticed that certain sort of glisten in his eyes where silent tears love to hide. She silently watched his struggle to regain control over his emotions, but he didn't seem to notice. She contiued to hold onto him in her gentle embrace. Although he would never admit to needing or wanting any sort of comforting attention, he wasn't even trying to let go of the young queen in his arms. 


	3. guilty thoughts :: there are always the ...

[Hi again! Well, here's another chapter, as promised. It's not particularly eventful... but it's one of those chapters that's necessary to the story. I promise though, the next chapter will be truly AMAZING. I've been playing with the next one in my head for days. You'll love it, I hope. I'll try to put it up a little later. Thanks again for all the support! Keep reviewing. I LOVE your comments!]  
  
  
  
Golden beams of sunlight were slowly beginning their fall into evening slumber. Soft shades of lavander and peach adorned the Naboo sky and gently kissed the clouds. A cloaked figure quickly ran from one safe hiding place to another. Green eyes carefully maintained their watch for familiar faces. It was too soon to be seeing a ghost.  
  
In the midst of the sleet, yellow Naboo fighter planes, pilots and R2 units celebrated their victory. Cheers and beeps sounded all around the hanger and into the street. The praises were not being sung to just the victory, but to the boy who had won the battle for them. Anakin Skywalker beamed with happiness. He always knew he was a space pilot, but now every pilot on Naboo knew it too.  
  
"I hate to spoil this for him," Qui-Gonn thought, "but I've got to get Anakin out of here. We haven't got much time before Obi-Wan's curiousity gets the best of him. That elusively bad feeling will come over him soon enough." He sighed. It was always that elusively bad feeling that alerted Qui-Gonn of dangers he hadn't even thought to look out for. Perhaps Obi-Wan was the better jedi knight. Considering the circumstances, Obi-Wan was by far the better jedi.  
  
The pilots soon began to migrate toward the street where the more interesting celebrations were beginning to develop. Anakin had politely declined in joining them because he was told to wait for Master Qui-Gonn to return. Once they had left, the cloaked figure came forth from his shadowy hiding place.  
  
"Anakin, it's time for us to leave." Qui-Gonn said in a hushed tone.  
  
"But where's Obi-Wan? Don't we get to say goodbye to Padme.. I mean the queen?" Anakin inquired.  
  
"Obi-Wan won't be coming with us. As for the queen...." Qui-Gonn began then paused for a moment to ponder something. In order to keep Obi-Wan's feelings of sorrow from wandering into questions, someone would have to say the right things at the right times. Obi-Wan wasn't ignorant. His feelings from the Force were perhaps stronger than Qui-Gonn's. Grief and sorrow could only hide the truth for so long before Obi-Wan would realize a few things. Realizations could either drive him to insanity or perhaps to the dark side. Perhaps one person would have to see a ghost. "Well, I will tell her you said goodbye."  
  
"But why can't I come? And where are we going?" Anakin asked, allowing his child-like curiousities to come forth.  
  
"Due to a few minor complications, a meeting with the queen will have to be done secretly and quietly. But, once that is taken care of, we'll be going to back to try to free your mother." Qui-Gonn said while offering the boy a reassuring smile.  
  
"Really?!" Anakin said with a slight squeal of delight.  
  
"Yes, and I shall begin your training there. It's the perfect place to begin your training. Away from the republic, away from the council, and-" Qui-Gonn stated.  
  
"Master Qui-Gonn, sir, why do we have to be so far away from everyone? Did I do something wrong?" Anakin asked softly.  
  
"No, no, it's nothing you did. We will come back here one day; hopefully with your mother." Qui-Gonn said, "Now, we'll have to borrow a ship from the queen. Stay in here with that R2 unit. Stay out of sight, understood?" Qui-Gonn said.  
  
"Yes, sir, Mister Qui-Gonn, sir!" Anakin said.  
  
Anakin quickly scampered toward the nearest corner with R2D2 rolling slowly behind. Qui-Gonn watched the boy and let out a soft sigh. "I hope he's the one to bring balance to the Force. I suppose the sacrifices will be worth it if he is. But..." he thought. His green eyes shifted away from the boy and glanced toward the online of the palace. "What if he's not? What if he's just a dangerous boy I wasn't meant to train? That'll mean I've hurt Obi-Wan without any sort of justification. He had a bad feeling all along, but I didn't pay attention to it. I dismissed him as though he were a child, yet who am I listening to instead? A child." he thought.  
  
He slowly pulled his cloak over his head to cover his face once more. "Anakin was created by the Force. Shmi wouldn't lie about such an occurance. His midichlorean count surpasses Master Yoda's. If he were a few years younger, he would've been trained by the council. If he had been born in the republic, they would've started training him to be a jedi before training him to speak. I'm not wrong about this boy, Obi-Wan. He's not dangerous. Once he is with his mother again, his fear will melt away. He will become a great jedi knight. Although no matter how well I train him, you will always be the better jedi... always." he thought.  
  
After another reluctant sigh, Qui-Gonn slowly began to venture toward the palace. This was the risky part to his plan, but it was something he couldn't ignore. He had hurt Obi-Wan enough. Someone would have to say the right things to keep his mind from wandering into the depths of insanity. A jedi would be able to feel in the Force that a death had occured. Obi-Wan would begin to wonder why he couldn't feel anything. That wondering could ruin his mind forever. There was one person who could reach Obi-Wan in a such a state, for she understood the reasons why one must hide and live within a world of secrets for the sake of a people. 


	4. clashing confrontation :: agree to disgr...

[Here's that great chapter I promised. Enjoy!]  
  
  
  
Once the sun had fallen into its usual slumber, night fell over the sky like a gentle blanket. The pale moon cast its eerie glow down to earth and upon the face of a weary and mournful jedi. A few twinkling stars asked the gray-blue eyes if they cared for a dance. Tired eyelids covered them and gave those stars an implied decline. A gentle breeze brushed against Obi- Wan as if to whisper its words of comfort. He merely pulled his cloak closer, for he didn't want to listen.  
  
"Oh, Master," he thought, "Why did this have to happen? Perhaps I'm not ready for the trials. Beating the Sith isn't much of a victory if your death is the price I must pay for it. How will I become a great jedi knight? When they ask of my master, what shall I say? 'Oh, he died because I wasn't quite fast enough to help him.' Perhaps I won't tell them of it. Perhaps I should act as though it never happened. Oh, but Master, the guilt won't allow me to do so! Your blood is spilled upon my hands! The stains of blood are so difficult to remove! Perhaps they can't be removed..."  
  
Tears began to glisten in eyes again, but he quickly began to dismiss his thoughts and bury his feelings. He couldn't show his emotions. A jedi must be strong, confident, brave, able to handle any situation with ease and dignity. Of course, no one ever mentioned just how difficult that would be.  
  
He sighed softly and ran a hand through his reddish brown locks. Gray-blue eyes looked around, desperately searching for something to take their thoughts away from the obvious. Naboo was certainly a place of wonderful scenery. He stood upon one of the balconies just off the upper chambers. The balcony itself was an artistic creation as all things tended to be upon Naboo. He could see the forests and waterfalls from the balcony. They were so beautifully breath-taking. Still, they reminded him of Qui-Gonn. He had always held an appreciation for all living things. Seeing such a sight would have moved him into deep thoughts about every little creature within the forests and depending upon the waterfalls. He allowed his eyelids to cover his weary eyes again. They didn't want to see such a sight anymore. It brought back too much.  
  
"Obi-Wan," Amidala softly called.  
  
He turned and saw her standing in the doorway. She was still dressed in handmaiden's attire and visably seemed weary and fragile. She had allowed Sabe to enjoy celebrating with Naboo as their beloved queen, for she was in the midst of an emotional landslide. Her eyes, which had already witnessed so much despite her young age, were red from the many tears she had shed not only for herself but for Obi-Wan. Her skin was splotchy and her nose was red as well. Despite her sorrow scars, she still maintained that angelic beauty which Obi-Wan's eyes were quite pleased to see.  
  
"We've prepared one of the extra rooms for you. Perhaps you should try to rest. It's growing late." she said quietly.  
  
"Perhaps.." he replied distantly. Not many words had been exchanged between the two. Amidala had given him her silent understanding, which for him was a greater source of comfort than any another. He had moved to the balcony to allow the queen to give Sabe her commands and to try to regain her composure. The silence between them wasn't awkward, yet it wasn't wanted. Amidala desperately wished Obi-Wan would speak to her and betray those emotion-hiding jedi customs. Obi-Wan just wanted Amidala to speak of something, anything, to get his mind off the obvious source of grief.  
  
"Perhaps a rest would be nice," he said, finally breaking the silence between them.  
  
"It's the first room on the left. If you need anything, I'll be in my chambers." she said. She glanced at him, and gently added, "If you want to talk about anything, I'll gladly listen..."  
  
He didn't respond. Gray-blue eyes held a far-off gaze. Amidala sighed softly and turned to leave. "Wait," he said.  
  
"Yes?" she replied.  
  
"I just wanted to say.. thank you, for everything you've done. It's truly not necessary. I shall leave soon to return to the council. They will need to be informed of this in person..." he said.  
  
"Of course this is perfectly necessary. You are a great friend not only to Naboo and the Gungans, but to me. Stay as long as you want. In fact, I'm asking you to stay at least another day or two. You're in no condition to report before that council. Stay here and allow yourself time to heal," she said while stepping closer to him and gently placing a hand against his face, "At least re-pay me with that much. If you leave like this, I won't be happy at all. I might have to follow you to that council to be sure you don't drown yourself in sorrow. If you leave in better spirits, I won't worry nearly as much for you."  
  
He offered a trace of a smile to the determined queen. "I shall stay then. Perhaps two days, but I can't promise any more than that." he said.  
  
"Well, I'm glad to see you being a bit more cooperative. Perhaps there is hope for the jedi after all." she said with a hint of laughter in her voice. But suddenly they grew quiet again. The silence was slowly becomming awkward. "I shall leave you to your rest now. If you need anything at all, you know where I'll be." she said as she slowly walked away.  
  
Obi-Wan cast another glance to the twinkling stars and the pale moon. Somehow they seemed to be a haunting reminder along with everything else. "Perhaps I really do need that rest." he thought as he walked toward his room.  
  
A cloaked figure slowly made his way through the palace. Occasionally he would wave a hand and pass by a guard. No one seemed to notice him. He wanted to run through the halls and complete his mission as quickly as possible. However, this had to be done cafefully and quietly. Obi-Wan could not be alerted of his presence. That was a difficult task, for Obi-Wan was prone to such sudden elusively bad feelings. Still, the cloaked figure moved along through the winding hallways and elaborately designed staircases. He cautiously waved a hand over another pair of guards. The queen's private chambers weren't far away. Just down the next hallway. However, that all-too-familiar presence was close. "Damn," Qui-Gonn thought, "I didn't know he'd be so close."  
  
Obi-Wan had forced himself into a fitful sleep. He knew his body desperately needed the rest. He had received a few bruises and burns from the earlier attack. His mind needed to rest as well, but it was much too stubborn. He tossed and turned as haunting dreams attacked his weary mind.  
  
Water ran softly as Amidala tried to make her face appear a bit more acceptable. Sabe would be returning soon. She had never seen the queen in such a distraught and fragile state and certainly didn't need to. Amidala sighed and turned the water off. She gently dried her face with one of the red handtowels, but to her dismay the tears still hadn't completely left her eyes. Upon hearing footsteps enter the room, she slowly stepped into the main portion of the elegantly decorated chamber dressed in her gold- adorned red gown. She gasped at the figure before her.  
  
"Oh no... there can't be such things as ghosts..." she said as her eyes grew wide with fear.  
  
"I assure you, I am not a ghost." Qui-Gonn said, softly touching her arm as if to prove he was alive, "But I suppose now I must explain myself. You must think of this as a queen. Not as Obi-Wan's friend, but as a queen with loyal subjects."  
  
She nodded, of course. He was silent for a moment, as if thinking of how to properly phrase things. This was a delicate situation, and this queen was nearly as stubborn as he was. Things would have to be said right, or else all would be lost.  
  
"You know, perhaps better than anyone else, that sometimes secrets are necessary in order to accomplish something that will help your people. Take your current victory for example. You had to to leave your people, disguise as a handmaiden, and keep certain secrets in place in order to accomplish the tasks at hand. The same is true for me. I must leave Obi-Wan and the jedi to help them. Anakin will bring balance to the Force, and to train him I must hide. The best way to hide is to make them think I'm dead. They won't come looking for me, just as a Trade Federation won't look for a handmaiden to sign their treaty." he stated.  
  
"I revealed my secrets though." she replied softly.  
  
"You revealed your secrets to those who needed to know. You didn't tell all of Naboo. You told the people who had to know in order to have their trust. Right now, you're the only one I need to tell." he said firmly.  
  
"What about Obi-Wan? He deserves to know. He shouldn't have to blame himself for your death if you aren't dead!" she retorted.  
  
"I'd rather have him blame himself for my death and eventually overcome his battle with guilt and sorrow than to have to answer to the jedi council for my mistakes. I don't want him blamed for my decision to train the boy. I don't want my stubborness to effect his chances of becoming a jedi knight. I don't want my shadow to be what he ends up living in. In order for Obi- Wan to have his own destiny, it's better off if he thinks I'm dead." Qui- Gonn said.  
  
Haunting dreams danced through Obi-Wan's mind. The battle kept being replayed over-and-over again in his head. The words between padawen and master were respoken. But where was that feeling of release? Where was that feeling of acceptance? When, exactly, had the Force taken Qui-Gonn? Questions kept flying through Obi-Wan's mind. He tossed and turned, unable to force himself back into sleep. His eyes were wide-open and filled with pain.  
  
"It's better off if Obi-Wan knew the truth." Amidala stated.  
  
"He would feel too betrayed and hurt. Grief and sorrow are much easier to overcome. There are times, my young queen, when the truth is best unknown." Qui-Gonn said.  
  
"So what am I supposed to do? Fill his mind with your jaded lies?" she inquired.  
  
Qui-Gonn simply nodded.  
  
"Well, I won't lie to him. I won't become like you. I'll comfort him. I'll try to get his mind off it, but if he ever directly asks me if you're among the living, I will tell him." she said.  
  
"If that's how you want to be, then I suggest you keep him from asking that question. Telling him could put my life, Anakin's life, and perhaps his life in danger. The council might have us killed. He may turn to the dark side. It's hard to say exactly what his reaction might be." Qui-Gonn stated.  
  
"Then I suggest you pray he doesn't ask. I won't lie to him." Amidala said with fierce determination ringing clearly through her voice.  
  
"Jaded lies might be the best thing to ease his troubled mind. You did agree to get his mind off it. If he doesn't ask, then at least keep him from doing so. You don't want to risk him turning to the dark side, do you?" Qui-Gonn continued.  
  
Obi-Wan slowly sat up. His head was throbing. He swore he could feel his master's presence. He rose to his feet and struggled to dismiss the feeling. "Perhaps I should go see Amidala. Burying my emotions could have troubled my mind and clouded my senses into creating a vision of my master. I can't lose my grip on the Force now. But I just don't know how to let go of Qui-Gonn." he thought.  
  
Amidala narrowed her red-tinted, brown eyes at him. Anger boiled deeply in her heart. To think this was a man she had wept for. "Why should I keep him from turning to the dark side? You're the one who took him from the primrose path of goodness and threw him into the darkness with your blood covering his hands. Shouldn't it be of your concern, not mine?" she inquired.  
  
"Yes, which is why I'm leaving him in your capable hands. I'm sure you'll do what's best for him." Qui-Gonn stated in a matter-of-fact tone as he moved toward the window, "Now, if you'll excuse me, your majesty, I must be going now. I hope you don't mind if Anakin and I borrow ship from your hanger. I'm returning to save his mother."  
  
"How delightful..." she said, clearly unimpressed, "I guess I should be glad someone is of true concern to you."  
  
Qui-Gonn sighed as he opened the window. He turned back to face the visably angry queen. "I know I will never understand just how much pain I have caused Obi-Wan. But, I do know that this will make him stronger, and he will become a great jedi. I don't want to leave him, but I know that this is the best way for all of us. I don't expect you to understand that. However, I do expect you to comfort Obi-Wan as his friend and to remember what I have told you as a queen." he said.  
  
No other words were exchanged between the two. Qui-Gonn slowly climbed out the window and made his way down the wall as only a jedi with amazing abilities can. Amidala closed the window and softly cried.  
  
"Your majesty?" Obi-Wan called.  
  
She turned quickly, suddenly worried if he had overheard or seen any of the encounter with Qui-Gonn.  
  
"You look as though you've seen a ghost. Are you alright?" Obi-Wan questioned.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine, really," she said while wiping away her tears, "Are you alright though? Is something wrong?"  
  
Obi-Wan slowly stepped further into the room. It was quite lovely, but not nearly as lovely as the queen. She stood in her elegantly adorned long, red and golden gown with her long brown hair down and hanging just below her waist. Her eyes glistened from the many tears that danced within them.  
  
"I tried to rest, but I kept having this bad feeling. It was something... elusive yet.. familiar at the same time. It's almost as if in my mind Qui- Gonn is still here, and I just.. don't know how to let go." he said.  
  
Tears started to fall from Amidala's eyes again. She wanted to tell him, but Qui-Gonn's words haunted her. Obi-Wan, unsure of what had caused this sudden wave of tears to fall, gently embraced the young queen and allowed her to cry upon his weary shoulder. 


	5. haunting memories :: longing to forget

[Hiyas! Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I had German test yesterday, and a trig test today. So much studying to do in such little time. Oh well, here's a chapter that focuses on Qui-Gon. Although it's not an eventful one, it's a necessary one so you can all see what I think Qui-Gon is thinking. His memories in this chapter I just made up out of nowhere. They might contradict other stories... but they're just random things I threw in there. ^^ Tee hee. Have fun and except an Obi-Wan chapter later tonite!]  
  
Despite the infinate number of stars and various cosmic arrangements, space seemed empty. As the stolen ship flew through the stars, only the emptyness could be seen by Qui-Gon's weary eyes. So much emptyness. So cold, so empty, and so alone.  
  
Anakin, however, was about to burst from his happiness. With the help of R2D2, he was flying the ship. Perhaps if Qui-Gon had been in a better mindset, he would have refused to allow the boy to fly the sleet Naboo ship.  
  
"R2, could you pull up the flight guide for me?" Anakin asked.  
  
The little droid beeped and sent the needed information to Anakin's viewscreen. The boy and the droid continued conversing, but Qui-Gon didn't pay attention. His thoughts were elsewhere.  
  
"He was like a son to me," Qui-Gon thought, "what a damned father I was to him. I wish I had truly died in that attack. If Obi-Wan should ever find out the truth... Oh, I mustn't think of that. What's done is done. If the will of the Force is for Obi-Wan to know, then he will..." He sighed and stared out at the passing stars. "I do pray he never finds out."  
  
He struggled to keep his focus on Anakin. He had faked his death, hurt his padawen, hurt the queen of Naboo just so he could watch this boy, yet now he could barely pay any sort of attention to him. His mind kept drifting into memories. Both good and bad memories danced through his mind.  
  
He remembered a young boy, much younger than Anakin, with red hair and gray- blue eyes that held a hopeful sparkle. Those eyes would stare up at him with such an eagerness to learn. He would smile so adorably with his two front teeth missing. Sometimes it was hard for Qui-Gon not to call the boy his son. He raised this boy, clothed him, fed him, took care of him when he was sick. This adorable, little boy was the very meaning to his life.  
  
He remembered a boy, about Anakin's age, who had a need to question everything. Training him was like a constant interrogation. "Why, Master?" he would ask. The question was both the most irritating and most amazing question. Irritating because Qui-Gon would often wonder just why this boy had to know every little detail. Amazing, though, because this boy wanted to know every little detail. He struggled a little with the Force, as most padawen's would, but once his questions were answered, he would accomplish each task with such perfection.  
  
He remembered a boy, much older than Anakin, caught in the typical in- between stage. It was no longer a little boy, but certainly not an adult. Although he could carry on the most intelligent of conversations with anyone of any age, his worries were often childish. He worried constantly about where the Force would lead him in life. "Just trust in the Force, Obi- Wan, it will always lead you where you need to go. It will never leave you," Qui-Gon had said to his beloved padawen. Sometimes he would worry about if he would become a great jedi knight. He struggled in the construction of his light sabre and worried that perhaps he would never be quite good enough. But once he put his worries aside, he proudly showed his master the elegant, blue weapon he'd made for himself.  
  
He remembered a boy, left behind for Anakin, who wanted nothing more than to obey his master whom he loved as a father and respected as an elder. He had never angered Qui-Gon, never disobeyed, never spoke against without apologizing pathetically -even then it happened very rarely. He was truly the best sort of padawen any master could have asked for. He fought without fear or worry against the vicious Sith. Horror had filled those once hopefully innocent, gray-blue eyes. He avenged his master's supposed death by destroying the Sith in one swift swipe. He rushed to his master's side. He hung upon every supposed dying word. He followed his master's wishes. But, to make things even worse upon Qui-Gon's guilty heart, he had believed in his master without ever questioning him. He trusted his master completely.  
  
"Master Qui-Gon, sir," Anakin said, disrupting his mournfully guilty thoughts, "we're almost home!"  
  
"Good, Annie. Very good." Qui-Gon said with a forced smile.  
  
Another trusting padawen. Qui-Gon sighed. He closed his eyes to attempt to clear his mind of such haunting thoughts. However, his mind's eye was greeted by that terrible memory of Obi-Wan standing behind the red, security curtain. His gray-blue eyes grew wide from complete horror and agony. "Master!" he had screamed as though his heart had been ripped from his chest and broken.  
  
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry..." he thought. 


	6. revelations revealed :: don't embrace th...

[Sorry for the delay on this chapter. Don't worry though, it's kinda long, and it's ALL about Obi-Wan! It's got drama, angst, insanity, and a slight hint of romance. Everything a good chapter needs, eh? Well, it'd be nice if at some point Obi danced out of the story and told me he loved me, but we can't get everything we want out of a chapter, can we? ^_~]  
  
  
  
  
  
Sleepily the sun stretched its rays of light as it awakened from its nightly slumber. Obi-Wan, however, hadn't slept until morning came. The queen had clearly been too troubled to be left alone. He quietly spoke to her and eased her into a much-needed sleep. He hadn't understood really why she had been so saddened. She hadn't truly known him. "I'd hate to see her lose someone close to her," he thought, "The results of such an event could be truly disastrous."  
  
But there was so much he didn't know. Amidala wasn't weeping for his lost master. Her heart was breaking for him. She hated to see him go through this and act as though he felt nothing. Hatred blossomed in her heart against Qui-Gon. How could he do such a thing to his padawan? Of course, being a young queen focused only upon Naboo and its needs, she didn't truly understand the Force and why it controlled their lives. Still, the Force seemed terribly cruel to her if it caused such drastic occurances to happen.  
  
He had been sitting there all night just watching her. She had been so kind to him; kindness certainly wasn't a familiar face to him anymore. Although she beautiful, kind, and clearly showed some sort of interest in him, Obi- Wan buried those mere hints of feelings as well. At least he tried. While she slept, he couldn't help but watch her and silently wish for a love he knew he wasn't meant to have.  
  
"Oh your majesty, if only..." he whispered then shook his head, "It's silly, you know, the way I secretly wish you might find it in your noble heart to love a foolish jedi like me. Terribly silly..."  
  
One would think Obi-Wan would have welcomed such a beautiful distraction to free him from the guilty feelings that danced mocking circles around his heart, but of course he forced himself to bury his feelings. It's nearly ironic how a distraught jedi buried good feelings and allowed the bad feelings to come forth and hurt his fragile mind. How ironic.  
  
"Besides, Qui-Gon wouldn't have approved. 'You must always listen to the Force, young padawan; the Force always comes first,' Master always said. But, the Force seems to betray me now. Master told me when I was a young boy that... when someone dies, you would feel it through the Force. It was the way a jedi would let go without having to show his or her emotions. But... I feel nothing. The Force tells me he's... alive, but I know that isn't true. I saw the Sith attack him. I saw him fall. It was my fault.. all my fault... and.. I feel nothing..." Obi-Wan whispered.  
  
The thoughts continued to race through his mind destroying what little pieces of sanity they could as they ran. When morning drew near, Obi-Wan gave in to his body's needs and allowed himself to fall into another restless sleep.  
  
She had heard quite a bit of his whispered debating but had acted as though she had been sleeping peacefully. She gazed at him and sighed softly. "How my heart breaks for you, Obi-Wan..." she whispered so softly she could barely hear herself. Once Obi-Wan had drifted into his needed slumber, she finally allowed herself to truly fall asleep.  
  
Morning's hours passed by far too quickly. The sun was wide-awake and stretching all of his rays when the young queen finally arose from her slumber. Obi-Wan hadn't moved and at that she smiled slightly. However, immediately after she left to begin the usual long and tiresome process of becomming the artistically-attired queen of Naboo, those gray-blue eyes quickly fluttered open. He mentally scolded himself for falling asleep, although he knew the young queen certainly didn't need protecting anymore.  
  
He slowly stretched and moved toward the window. It seemed a parade was beginning outside the palace. Music and laughter filled the streets. Flowers and confetti were being tossed all about. Gray-blue eyes took in every detail of this ceremonious display only to be interrupted by a certain queen dressed as a mere handmaiden.  
  
"You should be out there, you know. You've said that your place is with your people. You don't belong in this place while they're rejoicing over your victory." Obi-Wan said.  
  
"It... it just seems wrong to celebrate, considering the circumstances." she said, although truthfully she didn't want to leave Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon meant nothing to her now. He was a terrible, terrible man in her eyes. It was Obi-Wan whom her heart wept dearly for.  
  
"Although Qui-Gon was never a fan of celebrations, he understood the need for them. If he were here now, he would want you to lead your people in the most wonderful celebration Naboo has ever seen." he said, then suddenly his tone became more distant, "He always enjoyed seeing all life forms happy. He hated tears... always hated tears..."  
  
"Well, I shall go then, but... only if you're there with me. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to watch from a distance since you contributated so greatly to our victory." she said.  
  
"If that's what you want.." he said, obviously not wanting to go but willing to make the weary queen happy again.  
  
The parade was even more glorious once they were part of it. For a little while, Obi-Wan's mind was free from its constant suffering. He stood beside the queen upon the staircase of the outdoor plaza. Esteemed Gungan generals and Naboo pilots rode proudly in the parade. Everything was so wonderful and beautiful, especially the queen of Naboo herself. Dressed in a white gown with a lightly-colored feather boa draped around her, she was an angelic sight. Her face was painted like a porcelin doll, and her hair was intricately put up. Obi-Wan, however, looked the same as he always did. Although his cloak was new and his light sabre was that of his supposed late master's, he looked like the same Obi-Wan. However, the gaze in his gray-blue eyes and the expression upon his face were far from ordinary. It was a haunting gaze that no one dared to meet. His face was etched with a sadness no one dared to greet.  
  
Boss Nass triumphantly rode to the front of the parade. Amidala was beeming with happiness. "Perhaps this has eased her troubled mind," Obi-Wan thought. He nearly smiled for her, but the typical jedi syndrome wouldn't allow him to do so. The Gungan leader slowly made his way up the stairs to greet the young Naboo queen. An attendant handed the unlikely pair a crackling, blue ball. They had called it the Globe of Peace. Boss Nass held it proudly in the air.  
  
Yet something about it taunted Obi-Wan's fragile mind.  
  
Snap.  
  
Hiss.  
  
Crackle....  
  
Snap.  
  
Hiss.  
  
Crackle....  
  
The faint crackling was so familiar to that of his weapon. Qui-Gon's weapon. The Sith's weapon.Snap. Hiss. How it haunted him. Snap Hiss. How it taunted him. Snap. Hiss.  
  
He knew his actions would seem rude, but he couldn't just stand there and listen to that constant crackling. His mind was already growing too close to insanity for comfort. Snap. Hiss. All his ears heard in the midst of the parade was that crackling. Snap. Hiss. He ran down the backside of plaza, down the stairs, down the street, into the hanger, into the all-too- familiar battle scene.  
  
That scene, as terrible as it was, began to replay itself before Obi-Wan's weary eyes. He clutched Qui-Gon's light sabre in his trembling hands. He moved as though to attack a Sith that wasn't there. His imagination was beginning to play tricks on him. He moved down into the generator area, slashing his light sabre back-and-forth. He leapt down where he had fallen, then leapt back up as he had done before. He stopped at the security curtain and stared blankly as though he could see Qui-Gon kneeling in meditation and Darth Maul lurking back-and-forth like a wild animal preparing his attack.  
  
Suddenly, the curtains lifted, and he ran. He tried to quicken each step. He tried to make himself a little faster. He tried to soar upon the wings of angels, yet the demons seemed to hold him back. He stood behind the last curtain and stared blankly again. "Just hold on, Master, be strong! You can win, Master! I'm coming, Master! Wait for me, Master!" he pleaded. He saw the blade, that horrid red blade, hit his beloved master. But how badly had it burned him? Obi-Wan blinked, as though he weren't quite sure of what exactly had happened. Still, he screamed pleadingly as though he thought it would heal his falling master.  
  
The curtain lifted, and he re-enacted the fight as though the Sith himself were standing before him. Again he killed the Sith. Again he ran to his master's side. Did he really look as though death was upon him, or was it, perhaps, the wearyness that comes from such a battle? His breathing was labored, but then, so was Obi-Wan's after such a battle. The words were again spoken. The solitude was requested. The padawen left the fallen master.  
  
"I don't understand," he thought as he reached out to the Force that seemed to betray him, "Why can't I let him go? Perhaps... perhaps if I stay this time, I can see him vanish. Perhaps... Oh, Force, show me! Show me!"  
  
A movement caught his attention. Qui-Gon rose to his feet and dusted himself off. He spoke something, but Obi-Wan couldn't hear it. He had a little trouble seeing his master, for his vision from the Force was becomming weaker as he watched. Doubt was beginning to seperate his mind from the vision. Still, he saw what he needed to see. Qui-Gon walked away. He got up and walked away as though he was perfectly fine.  
  
"I don't understand!" Obi-Wan called out, as though he expected the Force to explain itself at that very moment. He fell to his knees as his head throbed from the confusion and misunderstanding. He wept, not out of sadness, but from the unanswered questions that taunted his fragile mind.  
  
"Obi-Wan..." the suddenly timid voice of the queen called.  
  
He turned toward her, tears streaming down his cheeks, but said nothing.  
  
"What... what happened?" she whispered, barely able to get her words out properly. She knelt beside him and stared into his eyes, desperately searching for the answers she knew he would never say to her.  
  
Slowly wheels began to turn in his mind. Something was rotten in the current state of things. It was as though sudden realizations were being made. All the things his weary mind had noticed yet hadn't been able to ponder slowly came forth.  
  
"Where's Anakin?" he asked, suddenly.  
  
"He's at home with his mother." Amidala said, caught by surprise.  
  
"Who took him there? Surely you didn't send him off alone." Obi-Wan said, his tone suddenly cold.  
  
"Captain Panaka escorted him..." Amidala said, wishing she didn't have to lie.  
  
"When? He hasn't left the palace." Obi-Wan said, a sudden blaze of anger burning in his eyes.  
  
"I... I don't know... I thought he had taken Anakin home. I.. I had ordered him to..." she stammered. She stared at him with a nervousness suddenly coming over her. He never seemed this cold before. Anger had never danced in his eyes like this before. "Obi-Wan, if there's something you want to ask me.... then ask me directly." she said, dropping as much of a hint as she could without breaking her word to Qui-Gon.  
  
"Why? How do I know you won't lie to me again?" he hissed.  
  
"Ask me directly. Stop dancing around the real question." she said, closing her eyes to push back the tears. Obi-Wan had never been so cruel to her. He never spoke to her like this.  
  
"Is it possible Qui-Gon is alive?" he asked. For once he hadn't called him Master. His tone was cold and nearly hateful.  
  
"Yes, it is." she whispered.  
  
"Then what are you keeping from me? Don't lie to me again, your majesty." he said, although her proper title sounded nearly sarcastic.  
  
"He.. he came to me last night, just before you came in. He said.. he said he was taking Anakin home because he would bring balance to the Force. He said he didn't want to hurt you, but that he had to. He... he told me to comfort you and get your mind off it. I told him I wouldn't lie to you. He said to keep you from asking about him. I again stated that I wouldn't lie to you. He said... he said that if you found out it could risk his life, your life, and Anakin's life. He said it could lead you to insanity or... or to the dark side." she said as tears fell from her eyes.  
  
Obi-Wan said nothing. Anger continued to blaze through his eyes. The mere thought of it sickened him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, I wanted to tell you... but... I promised.. and... I didn't want to risk your life... or your mind... or... your noble jedi heart. Obi-Wan, it wasn't supposed to be like this! Please, Obi-Wan, please believe me. I... I love you, Obi-Wan, please don't think I'm lying to you. I truly love you, Obi-Wan, and I didn't want to hurt you. My tears were not for your master, they were all for you. My heart broke for you, and now it's breaking all over again. Please believe me," she pleaded through choked sobs.  
  
He stared at her, and for a moment the anger buried itself deep inside. He embraced the young queen, struggling to calm her enough to speak to her. She trembled terribly as though she truly feared the worst. Her porcelin makeup had started to wash away from the tears.  
  
"I know you wouldn't lie to me about that. Somehow I know you love me, but... anger dwells in my heart. As a jedi, we aren't supposed to hold anger. You see, fears lead to anger, anger leads to hatred, and hatred... hatred leads to the dark side of the Force. I can tell you, honestly, hatred is beginning to form in me. It's dangerous for me to remain here with you. I... I don't want to hurt you, but feelings of pure hatred are blossoming within me." he said softly, "I need to see the Jedi Council. I shall return to you, I promise you that."  
  
"Let me go with you then, please, Obi-Wan. My heart already goes with you." she pleaded.  
  
"It's not safe for you." he whispered.  
  
"Then let me hate him for you. Hatred isn't permitted for a jedi. When you wouldn't cry and mourn, I wept for you. If you aren't allowed to hate him, then let me hate him for you. Please, Obi-Wan... please..." she whispered through her tears.  
  
"No, your majesty, this isn't your battle to fight. You must stay here with your people. They need you. I shall fight this battle myself, and I will return to you." he whispered.  
  
But would he return? Hatred danced its deadly dance within the depths of his heart. Although he knew the feelings he felt were completely wrong, he made no effort to let them go; secretly, he embraced them. 


	7. innocence betrayed :: pain dwells in his...

"And can you believe that young Padme turned out to be the queen of Naboo? That was certainly a shock to all of us, although I'd had my suspisions about the girl." Qui-Gon said, offering a smile.  
  
Shmi Skywalker listened to every word; she loved hearing the details of her son's adventure and of the republic world she had never seen.  
  
"I still think she's an angel..." Anakin said softly.  
  
"Of course she's an angel... in that demonically disobediant sort of way." Qui-Gon stated with a slight hint of laughter in his voice. He struggled to keep the details of the story happy. He told Shmi about how Naboo was saved from the cruel Trade Federation and how Anakin had shown off his wonderful piloting abilities. She was amazed, naturally, but she still wanted to know the details of Anakin's fate.  
  
"Annie, I saved some scrap metal for your droid. Perhaps you should use this little bit of free time to work on him, hm?" Shmi suggested softly.  
  
Anakin's young eyes seemed to sparkle with delight. He was glad to be able to work on his protocal droid again. He nodded to his mother and quickly darted into his room to resume his work.  
  
An awkward silence remained between Shmi and Qui-Gon for awhile. Each knew of the subject that had to be brought up, but neither were truly ready to discuss the details. Still, being a mother with concerns for her beloved son, Shmi softly asked, "What is to become of Annie? Is he to become a jedi knight?"  
  
"I took Anakin before the council to discuss his training. They confirmed that Anakin is certainly a special boy with a great connection to the Force, but they denied me the formal right to train him partly because I already had a padawan and partly because too much fear dwelled in his heart." Qui-Gon stated.  
  
"You already had a padawan? I don't think I understand..." she said softly.  
  
"A padawan is the proper term we give to those whom we train. I was training a boy by the name of Obi-Wan Kenobi." he paused after mentioning that name as though his heart had missed a beat. He sighed then resumed his explaination. "I had been training him since he was very young. There wasn't much more he could learn from me. The council must decide who is ready to face the trials of becomming a jedi knight, and they had yet to make that decision. However, it was quite clear that Obi-Wan had learned all that he could from me. Perhaps they over-looked that just to spite me and make things all the more difficult and complicated."  
  
"What did you do then?" she asked.  
  
"Well, Obi-Wan and I faced a vicious Sith lord. A Sith is like a jedi, trained in the Force and in the jedi customs, yet the Sith do not follow our rules. A jedi follows a code of honor, whereas a Sith dwells on hatred. The Sith had been gone for some time, but somehow, we were attacked by one. Throughout the course of battle, Obi-Wan and I were seperated by the security curtains. Knowing that I had other missions to accomplish, I awaited the perfect moment and acted as though the Sith had given me a mortal wound. Obi-Wan believed the facade and avenged my supposed death by defeating the Sith. In defeating the Sith, he faced the necessary trials to become a jedi knight, although he probably does not know that. So, I told him not to train Anakin, but instead, to become a great jedi knight. I then told him to leave me because I would be taken by the Force and needed time to myself. He nodded and left, never questioning me at all." he continued. Again he stopped and closed his eyes. Retelling the story made the memories hurt even more. "Once he was gone, I found Anakin and told him we would be going to see you. This is the best place for me to train him because it is outside of the republic, away from the council, away from any other Sith encounters, and-"  
  
"Away from Obi-Wan." she stated softly, then caught his gaze of surprise, "You needed to be away from Obi-Wan because you feel as though you betrayed him."  
  
"Feel as though I betrayed him? I don't feel as though I betrayed him, for I -know- I've betrayed him. His eyes always held this innocent gaze, a trusting innocence, and that was stolen from him. The pain in his eyes... the pain I caused to dwell in his eyes. I always taught Obi-Wan that a jedi should strive to make all life forms happy and at peace, but look at what I've done to him! Guilt dwells in my soul, but I know this was the only way. Less pain comes to him by my death than in the truth of my betrayal." he said.  
  
"This happened because of Annie. Perhaps.. perhaps he shouldn't be trained. You should return to Obi-Wan." Shmi said in a near whisper.  
  
"No, Anakin is the chosen one to bring balance to the Force. That is a fact I can not ignore. If I don't train him, no one will, and balance shall never come. Sacrifices had to be made. Obi-Wan is strong and will move on in time." Qui-Gon said firmly.  
  
But pain lingered in his soul. He knew Obi-Wan would be able to move on, but Qui-Gon himself would never let go. Memories still danced tauntingly in his weary mind; memories of a boy he loved so much he betrayed. 


	8. mere madness :: we can not chose his des...

[Yet another delayed chapter... I've been busy and uninspired. Yeah, sad isn't it? Oh well, here's another one of those overly emotional dramatic chapters. In responce to a question on the lovely review page, Obi and Ami are the same age as they are in Phantom Menace since this does take place during and immediately after. Not a good answer, but... I tried. ^^;; Please keep reviewing! All those nice comments are what keeps me working on this. ^_^]  
  
  
  
Silence surrounded Obi-Wan as he stared out into the vastness of space. Time had passed, but he didn't know how much. He wasn't really paying attention to anything except his haunting memories. Nothing else really mattered to him. The gracious queen had been kind enough to give him a proper escort to the jedi council. He wasn't in good frame of mind to be piloting a ship of his own. He would just end up getting himself killed. But, perhaps that's what he wanted. In order to keep the young queen from attending the meeting with him, he had to agree to accept her escort. There were times when he both admired and loathed that young queen, but of course the loathing wasn't serious. His true, burning hatred dwelled against only one individual.  
  
He remembered the many times when he would be standing in a starship next to his master. It was usually at such times when that trademark elusively bad feeling would come over the young Obi-Wan. His master would often laugh, then realize that perhaps something was truly out of place. With lightsabres drawn, they would carefully search out the source of the problem. It was usually a quickly resolved matter of attacking the enemy and piloting the ship to its proper destination. Oh, how he missed those times.  
  
Their first meeting had been aboard a starship. He was quite young at the time he was brought before the jedi council. They tested him and found him to be strong in the Force and a very fast learner. They claimed they knew of the perfect jedi knight to train such a boy, however, he was about to leave for a diplomatic mission. They immediately began the necessary contacting measures and told the young boy which ship to get aboard and to ask for a man named Qui-Gon Jinn. The copper-haired lad nodded and followed his given instructions. He stepped aboard the grand ship and in his yet-to- be tamed accent he asked for his new master. A long-haired man with a kind smile came forth and properly introduced himself. He seemed pleased with his new padawan, yet something danced in his eyes that the young boy didn't understand. Still, with complete admiration for the jedi knight, the boy smiled revealing the empty space where his two front teeth should've been. Qui-Gon gave a little chuckle at the sight of the boy. The boy wasn't quite sure what was so funny, but he was content in the fact that his master seemed happy. He listened attentively to his master and believed every word he said - a character flaw he never managed to let go of.  
  
"Sir, we've landed." the pilot said, awakening Obi-Wan from his memories.  
  
"Thank you. Please tell the queen I can't thank her enough for her kindness and that I will be returning to Naboo as soon as I can." Obi-Wan stated through his soft accent.  
  
"I will tell her, sir." the pilot replied.  
  
With a quick bow, Obi-Wan exited the ship and silently pondered about the upcoming meeting with the council. He had a plan in mind. If Qui-Gon had deceived him and had convinced Amidala to nearly deceive him, how would he know if the council was against him or not? "If I know Qui-Gon is alive, surely they will know. However, if the queen hadn't confessed, I would still believe him to be dead. I would report to the council and tell them of Qui-Gon's tragic death. And what would they say to me? Would they tell me he was alive or would they offer their sympathy and keep their thoughts to themselves? If I came before them with my sorrow scars, would they tell me and take away the agony of mourning or would they lie to me and keep me lost in grief? We shall see... we shall see." he thought with a slight smirk. Perhaps it was the dark side that inspired him to question, or perhaps it was the simple betrayal of a father to a son.  
  
He walked into the meeting chambers with heavy footsteps and forced tears. With a sigh, he took his place in the center of the room and bowed before his elders. They all exchanged a quiet gasp at the sight before them. A jedi with emotions? How strange indeed.  
  
"Masters, I come before you in the midst of a grave tragedy. I am truly sorry my master was unable to attend this meeting, but I do hope you will all allow his soul to rest in peace." Obi-Wan said softly as he forced a few more tears to fall from his no-longer-innocent gray-blue eyes.  
  
"What has happened?" Mace Windu inquired.  
  
"Master and I were fighting against the Sith lord. We were seperated by the security curtains near the generator. Oh Masters, if only I'd been just a little faster. Qui-Gon fought against the Sith alone while I was trapped behind the curtain. He fought bravely, Masters, and I suppose for a jedi he died honorably. The Sith's lightsabre pierced straight through his midsection. I avenged his death. I fought against the Sith with everything I had. I was able to cut him into and watch him fall into the abyss. I rushed to my fallen Master's side. He instructed me not to train the boy. He said I would become a great jedi knight, but not to train the boy. He then asked that I leave him, for the Force would be taking him soon. I followed his final instruction, and I left." he stated.  
  
A thought was exchanged between each member of the council. The thought was so clear that perhaps even young Anakin could've picked up on it as it passed itself from mind-to-mind. Qui-Gon isn't dead. However, they intended to keep this fact to themselves since they truly didn't know where Qui-Gon was and what he was planning.  
  
"We are terribly sorry for your loss, young Obi-Wan. We will miss him terribly." Mace said gently. He studied Obi-Wan carefully. Although he had a look of madness, there was certainly a method to it. Darkness seemed to have caught Obi-Wan in its dangerous web of deception.  
  
"You'll miss him terribly?" Obi-Wan asked.  
  
The council members nodded with sympathic expressions upon their faces.  
  
"Yet you know he is alive. You lie just as Qui-Gon did." Obi-Wan stated coldly, "Qui-Gon faked his death in order to take Anakin to his mother so he could be trained without fear present."  
  
"We shall send someone to retrieve him then." Mace said.  
  
"Send me." Obi-Wan replied.  
  
"Darkness in you there is. Send you we will not." Yoda said in his usual tone of varying pitches and noices.  
  
"Qui-Gon was my master. He betrayed me. Whatever darkness dwells within in me, he put it there. I should be the one to confront him. It's my battle, no one elses." Obi-Wan stated.  
  
"Now, Obi-Wan, it doesn't have to be like this. We will have him brought before us, and you will have the opportunity to confront him then. It's too dangerous to send you in your current state of mind. The dark side already has a hold on you; we can't allow you to slip any further." Mace said.  
  
"No, I won't allow that." Obi-Wan said, his tone no longer soft and proper, but instead, cold and bitter. "I don't want to see him brought before you like a prisoner before a jury. I don't want to confront him as though this were a trial. I want to face him as he faced me. He looked in my eyes and lied to me. I want to be able to look straight into his eyes when I tell him the truth. He watched pure horror and grief dance in my eyes, and I wish to see the same in his. If that's the will of the dark side talking, then so be it."  
  
"Send someone else we shall." Yoda stated firmly.  
  
"No, Masters, I will go. Don't try to stop me." Obi-Wan said, allowing the dark side to take over a little bit more. He gave a nearly mocking bow and exited the council chambers in search of a ship.  
  
"Should we stop him?" Mace inquired.  
  
"No. Chose his destiny we can not. Allow him to go.... we shall." Yoda said, in a troubled tone.  
  
Obi-Wan quickly wiped away the false tears. A confrontation was about to occur, and somehow that fact made him smile. Darkness was all around him, and for once he welcomed it. If a father could betray a son, just how bad could the deception of the dark side be? 


	9. taunting visions :: don't let the madnes...

Another sleepless night had passed by. Terrible visions and all-too- familiar scenes insisted upon being re-played over-and-over again in his weary mind. As much he tried to dismiss the taunting thoughts, they continued to haunt him.  
  
"Master Qui-Gon, sir, when can I stop running? I'm very tired, sir." Anakin called.  
  
Qui-Gon peered down from the rooftop at the boy. How long had he been running? Once again, he hadn't being paying the appropiate amount of attention to the boy. For that matter, he hadn't really been paying any attention to young Anakin. His thoughts were always preoccupied.  
  
"Just one more lap around the house, Annie, that's all." Qui-Gon replied. Anakin gave a reluctant sigh, but he obeyed his master. Qui-Gon silently scolded himself for not focusing all his attention upon the boy's training. He had ruined his and Obi-Wan's life for this, so he should give every single bit of attention to it.  
  
Oh, if only it were that easy. He remembered when Obi-Wan was young and hated to do his morning run. Of course, he would obey his master and run the numerous laps around the jedi temple. "But, why, Master? The Force can't speak to me if I'm too tired from running to listen!" he would say in his untamed accent. Qui-Gon would laugh at this and explain how a jedi must be in the best physical condition in order to properly follow the will of the Force. Obi-Wan never seemed too content by that reply until much later when he was able to fight with ease and near grace.  
  
"Okay, Master Qui-Gon, sir, I'm finished!" Anakin called.  
  
Again the boy awakened Qui-Gon from his wandering thoughts. Again Qui-Gon scolded himself for allowing memories to control his mind. He quickly refocused his attention to the boy. Anakin, although a completely different boy, had certain qualities that reminded Qui-Gon of his beloved Obi-Wan. They both hated to run. They both asked lots of questions, although Obi- Wan's questionings became deep interrogations since he was such a bright child.  
  
"Master Qui-Gon, sir?" Anakin called again.  
  
And yet again he let his mind drift.  
  
"Sorry, Annie. I'm a little tired this morning, you'll have to forgive me. Now, let's try something else," he said as his weary eyes scanned the area for something useful. He spotted a broom handle and lightly tossed it down to Anakin. "Hold this as your weapon. Deflect whatever comes at you."  
  
Anakin nodded and held the broom handle like a light sabre. It was quite an awkward sight. Yet another thing that brought back memories of Obi-Wan. Qui- Gon shook his head and cleared his thoughts. He made a few small rocks fly slowly toward Anakin which he eaisly deflected. He sent a small box toward him, which he also deflected. A few other random items soared near him, which he eaisly deflected.  
  
"Now, close your eyes and try it." Qui-Gon said.  
  
"But, Master Qui-Gon, sir, how will I deflect things with my eyes closed?" Anakin inquired.  
  
"The Force will tell you what to do, just listen to it." Qui-Gon stated.  
  
Anakin nodded and closed his eyes. He deflected the first item by pure luck, for he wasn't really focusing. The next items Qui-Gon allowed to tap the broom handle, in hopes of drawing Anakin's attention. However, Anakin was completely unprepared for the pebble that struck him lightly on the back of his neck.  
  
"Hmm.. let's try this another way." Qui-Gon suggested. Obi-Wan had struggled in this lesson as well. The only way it ever got through to him was by placing a helmet upon his head with the visor down. It kept him from being injured while blocking out the distractions around him. "Go get your podracing helmet and put it on."  
  
Anakin nodded and quickly ran inside the house. He returned moments later with his beloved helmet placed proudly upon his head. He secretly hoped this lesson would involve podracing, but the Force didn't have to tell him it wouldn't.  
  
"Now, put the visor down, and we'll try again." Qui-Gon said.  
  
Anakin held a quizzical expression upon his young face, but he did as he was told. With the visor down and broom handle in his grasp, he prepared himself from whatever Qui-Gon might throw at him.  
  
Rock flew. Hit.  
  
Box flew. Hit.  
  
Bolt flew. Hit.  
  
"Clear your mind. Listen to the Force." Qui-Gon instructed.  
  
Rock flew. Hit.  
  
Box flew. Hit.  
  
Bolt flew. Hit.  
  
"Pay attention." Qui-Gon stated.  
  
Rock flew. Hit.  
  
Box flew. Hit.  
  
Bolt flew. Deflect.  
  
"That's right." Qui-Gon said.  
  
Rock flew. Deflect.  
  
Box flew. Deflect.  
  
Bolt flew Deflect.  
  
Slowly Anakin began to realize which was the Force talking and which was just his stomach. Deflecting the objects became easier and easier. There was a long pause which Anakin responded to by removing his helmet and staring up at Qui-Gon for futher instruction.  
  
"That was easy, Master Qui-Gon, sir!" Anakin announced proudly.  
  
Another rock flew and hit the back of his neck.  
  
"We weren't finished, Obi-Wan. I'll let you know when your training for the morning is complete." Qui-Gon said.  
  
"But, Master Qui-Gon, sir, I'm not Obi-Wan." Anakin said.  
  
"Hm?" Qui-Gon inquired.  
  
"You... you called me Obi-Wan, sir. I'm Anakin." he said.  
  
"Oh.. I'm terribly sorry.." Qui-Gon said, pondering as to whether or not he had really adressed the boy by his former padawan's name. His thoughts began to jumble together. "Well, why don't you go inside and rest for a few minutes, hm? We'll continue your exercises in a little while."  
  
"Yippie!" Anakin exclaimed as he gave a quick bow then darted inside.  
  
Qui-Gon stood upon the roof for awhile. A few minutes had turned into a few hours. His eyelids were growing weary from constantly staring upon fixed points, but Qui-Gon didn't pay any attention to them or anything else. Guilt was beginning to become more than he could handle. Having a grip upon the Force was one thing, but being able to control one's own guilt was quite another.  
  
Simple thoughts turned into daydreams. Daydreams turned into visions. Visions turned into what Qui-Gon thought to be reality.  
  
"Master!" he swore he heard Obi-Wan call in a tone of pure horror.  
  
He turned suddenly but, of course, Obi-Wan wasn't there.  
  
"Master.... my poor Master... He is dead. No, the Sith didn't kill him. I knew that was fake all along. Would you like to know what truly killed my poor Master?" the Obi-Wan of his vision stated tauntingly, "His guilt. His guilt drove him to pure madness. Pity... pity..."  
  
"Obi-Wan...." Qui-Gon whispered, unsure of what was vision and what was reality.  
  
"If I'd had the chance I would've gladly put him out of his misery. I would've taken his own lightsabre, chopped him up into little pieces, and blasted him into oblivion." the taunting voice of Obi-Wan stated, "However, his madness eventually lead him to his deathbed before I got the chance to get my revenge."  
  
"No... Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon said.  
  
"Perhaps I should go join him in hell. I suppose the dark side will lead me there eventually, whenever another jedi comes along and kills me or perhaps my desire for revenge will lead me to the same fate. Either way, I shall see you in hell, Qui-Gon. In the midst of the flames, pain, and suffering, I shall see you.... and you shall die a thousand deaths for what you've done to me.... a thousand deaths...." he taunted.  
  
"No... No!!" Qui-Gon stammered as he ran to escape the vision, but ended up against the wall.  
  
"Master.... Master, where are you? I've come to deliver a thousand deaths upon you. Master.... Master.... you can't escape from me again. Master...." the voice hissed as it slowly faded away.  
  
Night had fallen over the Skywalker home and gently covered Qui-Gon with its dark cloak. Shmi nervously glanced at the mad jedi, but thought it would be best to leave him alone to fight his battles.  
  
He had finally fallen into a sleep, although restless and taunting it was a much-needed sleep. Even in the depths of slumber, his guilt haunted him. 


	10. darkness' deception :: better than mere ...

[Don't worry, this'll be the last kooky Qui chapter. Somehow I kinda like the fact that Qui's going crazy while Obi is just trying to sort things out. It's unique anyways, because it's usually Obi that has an issue. *shrugs* I also -really- enjoy the dark Obi-Wan. He's just so fun as a bad guy. But, I'm trying desperately not to break their character's, ya know? I really think that if Qui was in this situation he'd start to go crazy for a lot of reasons. I also think Obi would definately give in to the dark side in such a situation. But, oh well, that's just my thought. Anyways... I've decided something for my epic saga. It's going to be in 3 parts. This chapter will be the offical end to part one. I'll start working on part two if I get enough reviews. Sound good? Yep? Thought so. ^_~ Also, this chapter is going to switch point-of-view a little bit. It'll start with Obi, just so ya don't get lost. And now for your dramatic enjoyment.... *drumroll* the conclusion to part one!]  
  
  
  
A sudden, fierce wind caused the desert sands to whirl around violently. As suddenly as it had started, all was calm again. The stolen ship had landed. A cloaked figure emerged from the ship and slowly stepped into the sand. Darkness surrounded him. It was deep into the night. He was deep into the dark side. Darkness was everywhere. He glanced up and saw the twin moons. A little bit of light was still present in both the physical realm and within the shadowy depths of the Force. "Soon, Master, soon....." he thought, as he began his trek toward the small city.  
  
He tossed and turned. Still upon the rooftop, Qui-Gon tried desperately to remain within slumber's grasp. His mind had begun to betray him just as his heart had betrayed Obi-Wan. Horrid visions surrounded him. Those eyes, those beautiful, innocent, gray-blue eyes. "Obi-Wan... Obi-Wan..." he mumbled.  
  
With cat-like grace he moved between the buildings and shadows and shadows of buildings. True, he had never been in the city, but the Force eaisly guided him toward the one had he to find. "Just a little further... to the other side of the town. Just a little further...." he thought.  
  
A cold wind swept across Qui-Gon, but he didn't respond. He kept trying to force his mind into sleep. Something was coming; he could feel it deep in his soul. Something terrible was lurking about. The Force tried to tell him to stay awake, stay alert, stay ready. But, no, he didn't want to face what was coming. It was still too far away to tell quite who or what it was. "Just sleep... sleep..." he thought.  
  
Streets were empty. It was an eerie sight. Carts were empty and left alone. Houses held no lights within their windows. The usual hum of the generators was silent. The small, desert city seemed more like a ghost town. It seemed deserted and empty, for all its residents were stolen away in the arms of slumber. But, there was one who dared to lurk about when no one else was around. He pulled his cloak a little closer as another wind darted about causing sand to fly toward his watchful eyes. As he stepped along, the lightsabre tapped against his side - a damned reminder of his dark purpose for lurking about in a strange place at such an hour.  
  
Beads of sweat covered the weary jedi's forehead. He slowly peeked out at the darkness. He looked around as though he expected a sudden attack, but his eyes were greeted only by darkness. "Perhaps this is what that elusively bad feeling feels like..." he whispered. He thought about going back inside, but he decided against it. Something was coming, and he thought it best to stay outside instead of where Shmi and Anakin could be put in danger. He sighed softly and closed his eyes again in a weak attempt to clear his mind of fear and worry.  
  
"Oh darkness, be my friend now. Don't you dare betray me." he whispered under his breath as he reached a line of little homes. "He's here. I can feel it." He lightly grasped the lightsabre in his sweaty hand as a sorrowful expression came over his face. "It shall be done so soon..." he whispered.  
  
It was closer, but he tried to ignore it. The presence was familiar, yet covered by shadows. He struggled to reach out with the Force to identify the presence, but the darkness kept the figure in an elusive mystery. He pulled his cloak closer and kept his eyes closed. Visions flew at him again. Those eyes. Beautiful eyes stared at him with such hope in their master. Innocent eyes never knew such a sight could ever come before them. Gray-blue eyes widened in horror. Beauty and innocence were stolen from those gray-blue eyes and were replaced by painful and bitter tears. Those eyes.... those eyes.... Qui-Gon suddenly awoke himself from the vision only to be face-to-face with those very eyes.  
  
"Why, hello, Master. I do hope I haven't disturbed you from what dreams may have come to you tonight." Obi-Wan said in his soft accent, but his tone held something eerie that Qui-Gon couldn't quite place.  
  
Perhaps he was too stunned at the sight before him. Qui-Gon said nothing. He merely stared up at the padawen who seemed to tower above him. Perhaps he simply wasn't sure if this was reality or yet another haunting vision. Thoughts continued to run through his mind at which Obi-Wan smirked.  
  
"I assure you, Master, I'm quite real. So you've had nightmares, hm? I've had nightmares too. I had this one where my beloved master faked his death, betrayed my trust, destroyed the life I knew all for a dangerous boy." he said, then he paused for a moment, "Oh wait, that's the reality, isn't it? Pity..."  
  
"Obi-Wan, it's not like that-" Qui-Gon started to explain.  
  
"Then what is it like, Master?" Obi-Wan hissed, although the title sounded mocking, "Just what excuse would you to use now? Just how naive and ignorant do you think I am? Admit it, Master, you think the boy has more potential, more undeveloped skill, a brighter future. 'He's the one to bring balance to the Force,' you said. Just admit it, Master!"  
  
  
  
"No, Obi-Wan, I won't admit to something that isn't true. I do think he's the one to bring balance to the Force, but you had nothing to do with this." Qui-Gon stated softly.  
  
"Well, that's clearly obvious. I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I got in your way. It was me that kept you from immediately beginning to train the boy. You had to get rid of me, get away from me. Why? Because I'm nothing.... nothing at all. I've only been your loyal padawan for how long now? I've followed every instruction, hung upon your every word, fought a Sith for you. But, oh no, I'm just not good enough, am I? I can't balance the Force for you. I can do anything and everything else you've ever commanded, but not that...." Obi-Wan stated as his anger began to grow and his tone became cold.  
  
Qui-Gon slowly stood up, thinking it best to face his former padawan than to stare up at him like a child being scolded. He looked into those once innocently loving gray-blue eyes and saw pain and darkness.  
  
"Don't be this way, please, Obi-Wan. I never meant to hurt you like this. I always thought you were like a son to me..." Qui-Gon said.  
  
"And this is how you show your damned affection?! I'll hear no more of this!" Obi-Wan yelled as he reached for the lightsabre.  
  
Qui-Gon turned away as though he expected to be cut into and dared not look into his hateful padawan's eyes. But, instead, Obi-Wan threw the sabre at his former master's feet.  
  
"It's your weapon, a jedi knight's weapon, and I want no part of it. For if you are what a jedi is expected to be, I don't desire to be a jedi. I find more comfort in darkness's deception than in a father's betrayal." Obi-Wan whispered as he turned to leave.  
  
"But, where are you going? Please, wait, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon stammered.  
  
Obi-Wan turned back to face Qui-Gon and gave him one final, cold stare.  
  
"Just as you are supposed to be dead to me, I am dead to you. There is no longer an Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan is dead. Go shed your tears. You'll overcome grief soon enough. Let them fill your mind with jaded lies, for perhaps the truth is best unknown..." he said coldly.  
  
The words pierced Qui-Gon's heart, but he said nothing in reply. He watched as Obi-Wan walked to the edge of the rooftop and with cat-like grace, he leapt down to the sandy streets and walked away until he vanished from Qui- Gon into the darkness.  
  
  
  
End Part one.  
  
  
  
[So.... did ya like it? Want Part two?] 


	11. diplomatic memories :: somehow they're n...

Snap. Hiss.  
  
Blue-gray eyes stared at the elegant weapon. Both amazement and dispair danced in his marble-like orbs.  
  
Click.  
  
"Why did I activate this blasted thing anyways?" he inquired rectorically under his breath. Time had drifted by the once naive padawan and had changed him into a man who hid his feelings all too easily. Time hadn't healed his bruises, but it had helped him to find a way to hide them. Gone were the days of Obi-Wan, and in place of that boy stood Captain Ben Kenobi.  
  
Snap. Hiss.  
  
Again he stared at the weapon. He had built himself another light sabre not for the purpose of jedi training but simply because it was an elegant weapon -at least that's what he told himself in a desperate attempt to justify his actions. In the course of battle, a blaster could only do so much. Still, it a was jedi's weapon. Although technically he was a jedi, he denied it. He continued to listen to the Force and use his power when no one else was watching. In his heart, there would always be a jedi, but in his new world, the term 'jedi' no longer held any meaning for him.  
  
Click.  
  
He glanced at the handle once the blade was gone. It brought back the memory of a time when he held his former master's light sabre in his capable hands and could've killed him, but instead, he threw the weapon at Qui-Gon's feet and walked away claiming to be dead to him. Obi-Wan died that day; that kind and gentle boy died. Innocence was stolen from his eyes allowing darkness to dance within them.  
  
Snap. Hiss.  
  
He hoped there wouldn't be a battle soon. What would his men think if he were to suddenly start fighting with a such a weapon? He knew what the Emperor would think. It was strange enough calling that man an Emperor. Just a few years ago, he had been a newly elected chancellor of the senate. Still, darkness radiated from him. Obi-Wan knew the moment he met the Emperor face-to-face that he was well-trained in the dark side, just as the Emperor knew that Obi-Wan was a well-trained jedi. But, Ben stepped in and denied having any connection to the jedi or the Force. A few questions were asked here-and-there. The Emperor longed to complete Obi-Wan's training. "Perhaps," was the only reply Ben would allow the ghost of the Obi-Wan to give.  
  
Click.  
  
So perhaps he did want to complete his training. Although the council would have proclaimed him to be a jedi knight, Obi-Wan didn't feel that the battle with the Sith was quite enough. Something was missing, but he wasn't quite sure what. Of course, the only continuation the Emperor would provide would be to tell Obi-Wan to give in to his hatred and let the darkness come forth.  
  
Snap. Hiss.  
  
Darkness. Just how bad could it be to completely give in to darkness? After Qui-Gon's betrayal, nothing else could truly wound him that deeply. He wanted revenge. He longed for it. In the depths of his slumber, he dreamed about it. In the midst of thoughts, he pondered about it. Day-and-night, a thought would drift in-and-out of his mind. Revenge.  
  
Click.  
  
Ben couldn't allow that. His life was too great now to ruin it for revenge. Upon his return to Naboo, the Clone Wars began. The Galatic Republic called itself an Empire and proceeded to attack any who opposed them. Amidala had allowed Naboo to come under the Empire's control. She remained queen, but the Empire told her what she could and could not do. It was a puppet monarchy of sorts. Emperor Palpatine, sensing hatred and desperately needing a brilliant solider, requested that Ben join his Imperial Army. And so he did, but he was limited to the simple tasks on Naboo for awhile since Amidala was concerned for his safety. The two became close, quite close, and the Emperor decided to use that to his advantage. Whenever Amidala tried to use power she wasn't allowed to have anymore, Ben would be sent away on some diplomatic mission while the Emperor would stay and threaten Amidala until she cooperated. When Amidala did cooperate, Ben was given a higher position in the army. This worked for awhile, but Amidala in her naturally peaceful ways, stated that if the rebels were to, for some reason, land on Naboo she wouldn't allow her army to kill them. Captain Ben was sent away to Alderan on yet another diplomatic mission.  
  
Snap. Hiss.  
  
Ben had felt like a jedi again. Alderan was a peaceful planet. Although it didn't have the scenery of Naboo, the people were even more cultured and peaceful that those of Naboo -if that's possible. The tiny planet held no army and no means of protection if the battles of war should come toward it. King Organa and his queen were opposed to the war and longed to remain neutral. However, the Empire was moving closer-and-closer, desperate for another conquest. Feeling sympathy for this kind people, Ben ordered his small fleet to protect the planet. He debated back-and-forth with the Emperor in order to keep Alderan safe. The only way the Emperor would allow it was if Ben would use his jedi powers for the good of the empire. Ben gave a hesistant reply, but it was good enough until they met face-to-face again.  
  
Click.  
  
A year had passed before orders arrived telling Ben he was allowed to return to Naboo. He was delighted yet at the same time, disappointed. Delighted because he'd get to see the love of his life again. Disappointed because he'd be leaving the closest thing to a family he had. The Organas, who were unable to produce an heir of their own, treated Ben like the son that had wanted for so long. Unlike Qui-Gon's, their feelings seemed sincere. The Organas held a great amount of respect for Ben. In order to keep their planet at peace, Ben had risked his career in the Imperial Army and quite possibly his life. No one had ever done such a thing for Alderan before.  
  
Snap. Hiss.  
  
So perhaps there was a little bit of jedi left in him after-all. In his orders, he had been told the Empire was victorious in the Clone Wars, but battles raged on between them and the rebels. He pondered which side the jedi council took on this war. Of course they would be against the dark side, and thus be against the Empire. Still, they were never big supporters of rebellion either.  
  
Click.  
  
He didn't care which side they took. He wasn't part of that life anymore. He knew the upon returning to Naboo, the Emperor would insist upon him using the jedi skills he had. He silently wished he hadn't made such a deal. Still, Alderan was safe and that's all that truly mattered. He would just have to find some way to justify using jedi powers yet not being a jedi. Just the thought of that began to make Ben's head throb.  
  
"Excuse me, Captain?" a servant called.  
  
"Yes?" Ben replied, glad that he'd been interrupted from such thoughts.  
  
"His majesty, King Organa, wishes to speak with you before your departure." the servant stated.  
  
"Tell the king I will report to him within the next few minutes. I'd like to finish packing my things if that's alright." Ben said.  
  
"Certainly, Captain. I shall deliever your message at once!" the servant stated, then exited the room.  
  
Ben sighed and ran a hand through his nearly shoulder-length, copper locks. "I shall miss this place..." he whispered as he tossed the light sabre into his bag and resumed packing.  
  
[Did ya like the beginning of part 2? A little boring, I know, but it lets ya know everything that's happened between part 1 and part 2. *shrugs* Also, ahem, my darling little wordpad doesn't have spellcheck, so, just overlook those little errors. ^^; Thanks. So... what are you waiting for? Review so I'll know if I should continue this or not. Beware... the plot twists will be coming....] 


	12. rebellious soul :: unclear the boy's fut...

He awoke with a loud yawn and a long stretch, but suddenly he gasped when he realized the twin suns of Tatoonine were already awake and glaring harshly at him. Late again. He rolled out of bed and quickly threw his tunic on. Giving his darkening hair a quick ruffle, he ran outside in hopes of not being scolded too much.  
  
But did it really matter? He would get scolded anyways even if he had been on time, because Obi-Wan would have been earlier or Obi-Wan would have done something else grand and wonderful that poor little Anakin failed to accomplish or even consider accomplishing. He sighed at the thought as he ran outside to begin his morning laps around the small house.  
  
Years had gone by, but nothing had really changed. Anakin was slowly becomming a man, yet a boyish gleam danced in his eyes and immaturity continued to linger in his heart. His life, however, had basically remained the same -perhaps that is why he had not began to grow-up emotionally yet. He still lived under his mother's watchful eyes. He had never left her again since that fateful trip to see the Jedi Council - not even a simple overnight trip. He was much too dependant upon his mother, but he didn't care. He never wanted to leave, unless it meant seeing Padme -well, Amidala; his mind hadn't completely excepted the fact that his beloved angel was a queen. His days were spent in jedi training, although he thought of it more like Obi-Wan training. No matter what he did -whether it was good or bad- he was constantly compared to Obi-Wan. The more comparisions there were, the more hatred began to form in his heart.  
  
"If Obi-Wan was so damn wonderful, then why wasn't he the chosen one?" Anakin mumbled under his breath as he continued to run.  
  
Qui-Gon hadn't seemed to notice the hatred forming in Anakin. Through his knowledge of the Force, he had learned how to hide his feelings. He couldn't allow Qui-Gon to see his hatred because he knew his training wouldn't be completed, thus making him a failure to his mother. Well, at least that's how his immature mind tried to justify it.  
  
"Master Qui-Gon, sir," Anakin called, still sounding childish despite his much deeper voice, "I've completed my laps for the morning."  
  
"You're terribly late." Qui-Gon said, his tone more indifferent than angry.  
  
"I know... I'm sorry, sir. I over-slept." he stammered.  
  
"Obviously. Obi-Wan never over-slept. He was always on time, usually quite early. His morning laps were finished before sunrise..." Qui-Gon stated, his tone becomming distant.  
  
"I said I was sorry, sir..." he murmered.  
  
"And you should be. Now, today you will continue your work on the construction of your lightsabre. How is it coming along?" Qui-Gon said.  
  
"It's nearly complete, Master Qui-Gon, sir! Just a few more hours and it should be completely finished!" he said, hoping his master would be impressed.  
  
"Hm.. and you began work on it just a few days ago?" Qui-Gon inquired.  
  
"Yes, sir!" Anakin announced, beaming with delight.  
  
"Hm.. it took Obi-Wan weeks to complete his lightsabre. Perhaps you're rushing a little. A jedi can't have sloppy work, you know. Everything must be precise and accurate and carefully done and-" Qui-Gon stated.  
  
"Sir, I'm not trying to be rude, but I've always been good at building things. Look at Mom's protocal droid. Remember? I built him. And my podracer? Built that too. This light sabre thing really isn't that complicated. I assure you, Master Qui-Gon, sir, it will be built to perfection in a few hours. Obi-Wan may have taken awhile on it, but, sir, I'm not Obi-Wan. I'm Anakin." he said.  
  
"I know you're not Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon said softly, "It's just that I-"  
  
"Miss him. I know, Master Qui-Gon, sir. You've been grieving over his death for so long now. Days and weeks and months are one thing, but years... that's quite another. You must let go, sir. You must." Anakin said, as kindly as he could.  
  
Another lie. Upon that fateful night in which Obi-Wan had come and gone, Anakin had asked what had happened. Qui-Gon said that a vicious Sith had come looking for him, but Obi-Wan saved him. However, the Sith killed Obi- Wan, but Qui-Gon killed the Sith in return. Sound familiar? So perhaps the roles were reversed and the details were a little different, but it was that basic story of two Jedi and a Sith that continued to haunt him. "I am dead to you, Master..." he had said. Faked his death too, perhaps?  
  
Qui-Gon wanted to move on, truly he did, but the memories continued to linger. He hadn't heard anything about Obi-Wan since that fateful night. It was rumored that a galatic war had started shortly after, but on Tatoonine where the Republic didn't exsist, it remained just a rumor. He wondered if Obi-Wan had become involved in the war. He certainly preferred more peaceful situations, but with darkness wraping her deceiving arms around him, there was just no telling what he was now capable of. Still, it was the fact that Obi-Wan remained among the living that troubled him. He was living a life of his own away from the Force, and Qui-Gon was allowed to have no part in it. To him, Obi-Wan was dead. Obi-Wan had said it himself. Dead. Dead...  
  
"I will let go when I am ready, until then.. just..." he said, but suddenly he couldn't find the words to say to Anakin. He didn't want to hurt this boy just as he had hurt Obi-Wan, yet still, he didn't want to be overly kind. He didn't want to feel so attached to him and end up betraying him.  
  
"Just go work on the lightsabre?" Anakin suggested.  
  
"Yes. Work on your lightsabre..." Qui-Gon murmered.  
  
Anakin nodded and returned to his room to complete his task. Although he had acted concerned for his master, his heart felt differently. Obi-Wan meant nothing to him. Obi-Wan was a dead man whom he was expected to become. Still, he wanted a different fate. He wouldn't think of Qui-Gon as a father. He wouldn't put Obi-Wan on a pedestal. He would act as though he cared, but deep inside, his soul rebelled.  
  
  
  
[Hello again! So... did ya like it? Yeah, this one was boring too, but it was yet another of those boring-yet-necessary chapters. Don't worry, more and more plot twists are coming. Also, just so ya know, at the -very- end of this story, I promise that -everything- will be just as it should in order for the original triology to begin. I just didn't like the end of Phantom Menace. So, that gives a little bit away... but not too much. ^_~ You'll just have to wonder how MY details end up getting to the gloriously wonderful triology. But, as always, I need feedback before I continue... so... go review, pretty please!] 


	13. near happiness :: goodbyes and hellos

In the midst of the beauty, Ben stood in the Alderan throne room. He gave a polite bow to the king as he gave the room a final glance. Beautiful was an understatement. Golden, flowing curtains graced the many windows. Chandeliers, golden with sparkling jewels, hung all around the room. Everything within the room held golden and jeweled accents. The marble floor made the room seem more like a ballroom than a throne room.  
  
"Ben, you will be missed greatly. Before you leave us, I just want you to know how deep our gratitude is for you. You risked everything for our little kingdom. My queen and I have thought of you as the noble son we longed to have. If you should ever return, the people shall hold you with such a respect as though you were the prince of Alderan." King Organa stated.  
  
"Thank you, sie." Ben replied.  
  
"You will come back, won't you?" the king asked.  
  
"Of course! I can't tell you when since the Empire loves to send me all over on these diplomatic missions, but I shall return one day. Alderan has become like a home to me..." Ben said, but his voice trailed off a bit as his mind drifted into memories.  
  
It had been so long since he'd had a true home. He left his family when he was quite young to begin his training. Since then, he had been sent all around the galaxy and back again. He stayed on Naboo awhile, but it didn't feel like home. He always felt like Amidala's esteemed guest. However, he risked everything for Alderan and in return, Alderan welcomed him with open arms.  
  
"This will always be a home for you then, and you'll always be treated like our son." the king stated.  
  
Ben forced a smile, yet somehow those words stung. Qui-Gon had been the closest thing to a father he'd had for so long, and it ended in a bitter betrayal. Still, the Organas' feelings were sincere. It was hard for him to believe that, but he still forced a smile. Acceptance of the fact would come in time, he supposed.  
  
Before Ben could speak again, Queen Organa entered the room. Her long, white dress was a gorgeous sight indeed. Long red tresses hung down gracefully to the middle of her back. Her crown was adorned in various jewels. Upon standing next to the king, she made him look rather plain.  
  
"Dearest Ben, we have a gift for you before you go." she stated in her soft- spoken tone.  
  
"But a gift truly isn't necessary." Ben said, feeling a little guilty for receiving something he knew would be just as glorious as everything else on Alderan.  
  
"You risked everything for us. It's the least we can do." the king stated.  
  
"Well, it's still not necessary, but if you really insist-" Ben stated.  
  
"Splendid! Come, let us show you!" the queen said cheerfully.  
  
Ben followed the royal couple throughout the palace. He hated that it would be his last tour through the place for a long time. Still, his gray-blue eyes took in the wonder of it all one last time in order to create a proper memory to hang on to. They walked down the eleborately decorated hallways and spiral, marble staircases until they finally reached the hanger. There were a few royal star ships with limited weapons which the Organas used for their diplomatic missions. However, in the back of the hanger there was a new one - a small tie-fighter painted a dark, shimmering blue. Ben stared in awe. He was used to flying whatever was availible to him, but never before had he had one just for himself.  
  
"We knew you'd be sent on other missions, and we hated to think of you stuck in some little Empire Y-wing. As a Captain, you deserve something much better." King Organa said.  
  
"This is really too much... I've never had a fighter of my own. I've never really owned any sort of flying device." he said.  
  
"Well, there's a first time for everything then, son." the king stated with a hint of laughter in his voice.  
  
"We've had the servants pack your things inside. It's ready to leave whenever you are." the queen said softly.  
  
"Oh, I shall never be ready to leave, but.. I know I must. I will miss you both greatly." he said with another polite bow.  
  
"We'll miss you too, my dear Ben." the queen whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek.  
  
"You best be off then, son." the king said.  
  
"I suppose so," Ben said as he walked toward his ship, "Goodbye, I shall return whenever the Empire permits me to do so. Thank you so much for everything!"  
  
Goodbyes were spoken as Ben boarded his ship and took off into the Alderan sky. Although he was sad to go, there were other things that gave him enough joy to feel like a little boy at Christmas. His new ship was a glorious one, clearly designed with him in mind. Soon, he would be back on Naboo and in the arms of his beautiful queen Amidala. Even though he had to have the jedi-confrontation with the Emperor, nothing could go wrong as long as he was with his beloved Amidala. It had been a year since he'd seen the love of his life. They had talked back-and-forth, whenever time permitted it, but it simply wasn't the same. Days were so long and nights were so cold without his little queen.  
  
His mind was delighted by piloting the ship and thinking about Amidala. Everything was great for Ben Kenobi. For once, Ben was happy with his life. He was a Captain in the Imperial Army with a new home and family on Alderan, a beautiful girlfriend on Naboo, and a glorious new ship. At least he made himself think he was happy. Something was missing; he couldn't deny that. Whenever he clicked on his new lightsabre, that missing something tried to appear, but before it could appear, he would click it off and make it vanish away. But it was never gone. Something lingered in his heart, but he ignored it. Perhaps Obi-Wan wasn't dead after-all, but Ben's heart was too cold to keep Obi-Wan alive all the time. Pity.  
  
Wandering thoughts helped the time pass. Soon he landed his ship in the hanger of the Naboo palace. With a bright smile, he exited the ship and entered the palace. Nothing had really changed inside. He began to wander in search of the queen, but stopped suddenly when his gray-blue eyes spotted her in the middle of a meeting. She was adorned in one of Naboo's intricate costumes and surrounded by her usual group of handmaidens. The appropiate members of her government were seated in a semi-circle in front of her. They stood and shook hands. Apparently the meeting was drawing to a close.  
  
"Your majesty," a handmaiden whispered.  
  
"Yes?" Amidala replied.  
  
"I believe someone else is here to see you," the handmaiden whispered with a bright smile once the governmental members had exited the scene.  
  
Amidala gave the handmaiden a perplexed glance. She didn't have any other meetings scheduled for the day. She turned and suddenly her inner child gave a squeal of delight.  
  
"Ob- Ben! You've come back!" she said cheerfully. She wanted to run to him, but her complex costume wouldn't allow her to do so. Still, it didn't matter, for Ben had rushed to her side the very moment his presence was recognized. He embraced the young queen and lightly brushed his lips against hers.  
  
"Of course," he said, "I promised you I would return."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me? I would've arranged for a parade or something..." she said.  
  
"Because I wanted it to be a surprise, my silly little queen." he said with another bright smile, "I want to hear about everything I've missed. What was that meeting about? It looked serious."  
  
"Oh, um, it was about.. building a new canal. Yes, a canal. The people love the one outside the palace so much that they'd like another." she said.  
  
"Oh? That's lovely then." he said.  
  
Oh but if only he knew what they'd really been discussing. It was quite clear to the Emperor, the Naboo governmental members, and the people of Naboo that the young queen had become quite close to Ben Kenobi. It simply wasn't proper for a queen to engage in a flirtatious relationship for so long without a ring being placed upon her finger. They interrogated her about a proposal. It would only be proper if they were to be married. Still, she couldn't bring up that subject with Ben. He didn't seem to be the marrying sort anyways. Although she wouldn't mind being his sweet, little wife, she wasn't sure how he'd feel about it. He'd be giving up his life to be tied to the royal life of Naboo.  
  
"Thinking about something, dear?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, no.. it's just been a busy day, that's all." she said, forcing a smile for him.  
  
"Then tell me all about it," he said.  
  
[Look, a happy Obi/Ben chapter. Aren't we all amazed? Well, this will be one of the few happy ones. I had to let the boy have one happy chapter. The rest is going to be filled with Obi/Ben angst. Hopefully I'll have the next Qui/Annie chapter up tonite. We shall see. Please review! Thanks!] 


	14. deadly thoughts :: you shouldn't dance w...

"Why am I wasting my time?" Anakin murmered as he inserted another bolt into his light sabre, "It doesn't matter if I build this thing or not. Qui- Gon won't be impressed, and my mother won't even know what I've done."  
  
He sighed as he rumaged through the remaining pieces for his light sabre - a few more bolts, the reflecting crystals, two small metal pieces, and another oddly shaped crystal. He picked up a reflecting crystal and dropped it inside the small case. Next he placed a metal piece in at a slight slant. He repeated the process until he ran out of pieces.  
  
"Easy enough." he murmered, "I wonder what took the almighty Obi-Wan so long to build this thing. Perhaps he wasn't nearly as bright as Qui-Gon says he was."  
  
Anakin shrugged. According to his mother he'd always been an exceptionally bright child, yet Qui-Gon certainly didn't seem to realize that. Everything was something related to Obi-Wan. Anakin absolutely hated it.  
  
"If he wasn't already dead, I swear I'd kill him myself... "Anakin muttered under his breath.  
  
Part of him wanted to act exactly like Obi-Wan just to see what Qui-Gon would do. But, the more he thought about it, the more stupid the idea seemed. Why get up at the crack of dawn and act perfect all the time? That may have been Obi-Wan, but it certainly wasn't Anakin. However, he knew that Qui-Gon would never appreciate him for his own unique qualities and abilities. Somehow Anakin couldn't understand why his master grieved so much over Obi-Wan. Anakin didn't feel particularily close to his master. There was this terribly cold distance between them.  
  
That distance made Anakin wonder about other things. He'd always wanted a father. He had heard that jedi masters were often fatherly toward their padawan learners. However, he also heard that jedi never die. What a reliable source that turned out to be. Still, Qui-Gon was everything but fatherly to Anakin. He was diliberately distant. Perhaps that's what hurt the boy most of all. It's not that he was just distant by nature, it's that Qui-Gon went out of his way to be distant. Their discussions were limited to training and only training. Nothing else seemed to matter.  
  
At least he always had his mother's support. That's all that mattered to Anakin sometimes. Still, he did wonder when Qui-Gon planned on freeing her from a slave's life. He had promised to free Shmi when they returned to the desert land, however, it appeared that he had made no attempt to do so over the many years that had passed. Anakin, despite popular belief, was not stupid or ignorant. Qui-Gon was hiding from something.  
  
He placed the main crystal inside the light sabre and bolted it down on each side. Carefully, he placed the cover on the top and bolted it down as well.  
  
"Now let's see if this thing works..." he murmered. Cautiously, he gave the button a light tap.  
  
Snap. Hiss.  
  
Power seemed to surge through him. He'd never held a real light sabre before, but suddenly, there it was. The elegant, red beam crackled before him. He gave it a few practice swings and grinned darkly.  
  
"I bet this thing is great in battle..." he thought, "It probably cuts through anything."  
  
He continued to stare at his new weapon. It was certainly a wonderful creation. If only he knew just how useful it would turn out to be and just how many lives he would take with it. Still, it amazed him for the present time.  
  
Click.  
  
He ran inside his small home with a bright smile on his face. He glanced around the rooms until he located his mother. It appeared that she and Qui- Gon were in the middle of a deep conversation. Anakin wondered why no one ever had deep conversations with him. It annoyed him somehow.  
  
"Do you need something, Annie?" Shmi asked.  
  
"Well.. I was going to show you something, but it can wait if you're busy.." Anakin said.  
  
"No, no, go ahead. I want to see. I'm sure it's wonderful, whatever it is." Shmi said, offering a smile.  
  
Anakin nodded and gave the light sabre button another tap. The brilliant, red blade came forth again with its usual snap-hiss. Shmi stared in awe, although she couldn't honestly confess to knowing what it was. Qui-Gon, however, sat expressionless.  
  
"What do you think, Master Qui-Gon, sir?" Anakin inquired.  
  
"Not bad." Qui-Gon replied, indifferent.  
  
"I think it's wonderful, Annie!" Shmi said, offering another smile to her clearly not-so-confident son, "but what is it exactly?"  
  
"It's a light sabre - a jedi's weapon." he announced proudly.  
  
"Oh, well, it's very nice. Just be careful with it, Annie." she said.  
  
"I will, Mom, I will. What should I do now, Master Qui-Gon, sir?" he asked.  
  
"Go outside and practice with it. I'll be out in a little while to give you some new exercises." Qui-Gon stated, still indifferent.  
  
"Yes, sir." Anakin said with a nearly-mocking bow.  
  
The two resumed their deep conversation as Anakin strolled back outside. He sighed and stared up at the sky. He ran a hand through his dark locks, ruffling them slightly. He moved his light sabre as if to point toward the sky.  
  
"One day I'll fly out there. I'll see all the planets. I'll be the first one to do it, too. Nothing else will matter then. I'll just fly.. and fly... I'll go wherever I want," he said, childishly. But then he added, darkly, "and I'll kill anyone who tries to stop me."  
  
He smirked slightly at that thought as he began to give his light sabre a few more practice swings. "No one else will matter," he said, giving a slash to the air. "I'll have my life. Mine. Not Obi-Wan's, not what my mother wants, not what Qui-Gon expects. No. I'll have my own life!" he announced while turning aruond and slashing the air again-and-again.  
  
He let his mind drift off into thoughts. With that weapon in his hands, his darkest thoughts seemed so real. He had the power to kill. It had always been a silly yet dark thought in the back of his mind, but now he actually had the power to act it out. Still, he wouldn't really kill anyone. It was just a figure of speech. At least that's what he thought. A certain darkness danced in his eyes, but no one seemed to notice.  
  
Again Qui-Gon had forgotten about him. The moons were casting their eerie glow upon his face. He sighed and clicked off his lightsabre.  
  
"One day I'll be up there in those stars... and nothing else will matter..." he murmered, hauntingly.  
  
[Otay, so that was kinda dark. *shrugs* I don't really know why. Oh well. So... while I work on the next chapter, I have a spiffy project for my loyal supporters! Go up there to the author search thingy and type in BBSting120. Yes. Read all of his stuff and review it just 'cause he's so cool. ^^ That's all for now... I might type another chapter tonite, I might not. Who knows? ^^;] 


	15. misguided mind :: welcome to the dark si...

His black boots clicked softly against the floor as his straightened his uniform a bit and boarded the Emperor's ship. He was nervous about the meeting. The butterflies within his stomach weren't fluttering from fear exactly, but from the subject that would be discussed. His new light sabre tapped lightly against his side as he walked - an eerie reminder of the task at hand.  
  
A pair of red-cloaked guards stood by the Emperor. He seemed to be such a frail, old man, but Ben knew from previous experiences that apperances are all too deceiving - sometimes their deception is a matter of life or death. A chill ran down his spine at that thought. He forced himself to bury his emotions as he had done so many times before. He felt as though this was a meeting with the jedi council in a midly warped sense.  
  
"Guards, leave us." the Emperor hissed.  
  
Each nodded and exited the small room. The Emperor slowly stood and carefully studied Ben. "Promising, quite promising," he murmered, "I see you've constructed a new light sabre."  
  
"Yes, sir." Ben replied.  
  
"Call me Master." the Emperor insisted.  
  
"I.. I don't wish to have another master. I have enough experience to be considered a jedi knight. I would prefer to never call anyone master again." Ben stated firmly.  
  
"I feel a hatred within you. Your former master deceived you terribly. Although you try to hide your feelings toward the matter, the scars upon your heart are quite visable." the Emperor said in his constant hiss.  
  
Ben didn't reply. He didn't understand why the Emperor could read him so easily. True, it had been awhile since he'd really used his jedi powers, but still, this was just ridiculous.  
  
"There are still things you can learn, but you don't need a master. There is hatred in you, Obi-Wan, so much hatred." the Emperor continued.  
  
"I don't go by that name anymore..." Ben murmered.  
  
"And why not? Why did you kill Obi-Wan? To turn away from the jedi?" the Emperor inquired.  
  
"Yes, sir." Ben replied.  
  
"Good... good..." the Emperor murmered.  
  
There was an eerie silence between the two. It was like a silent game of hide-and-seek. Ben was trying to hide everything he could, but the Emperor was determined to seek it all out.  
  
"Sir, not to be rude, but what exactly do you want from me? Yes, I was trained as a jedi, but I want no part of that life anymore. The jedi are cruel, heartless, and deceptive. I don't want to be part of them. However, I'm not sure if the dark side is the right place for me either. I don't want anything to do with the Force. I just want to live my own life free from these rules and regulations." Ben stated.  
  
The Emperor's hauting, yellow eyes seemed to glisten a bit at that. "I assure you, there are no rules and regulations to follow on the dark side. Simply give in to your feelings. The jedi are so deceptive; you are certainly right about that. They hide their emotions, their feelings, their memories. They hide everything and put on the worst sort of facade. There is much power in hatred, and you certainly have hatred. You have an amazing talent with the Force. If you come to the dark side, you'll be able to use your powers with your emotions."  
  
Ben remained expressionless. The idea of it didn't seem so bad. Using the Force with feelings couldn't be that bad, could it? The Emperor could tell Ben was pondering this, and an evil smirk graced his lips.  
  
"Now, about your former master... he left you for a boy, a very dangerous boy." the Emperor said.  
  
"Yes, sir." Ben replied with a haunting sadness in his gray-blue eyes. The words stung him deeply, another thing the Emperor could clearly see.  
  
"You were right all along. The boy is dangerous, very dangerous. He isn't the one meant to bring balance to the Force. If anything, he will make bad matters worse." the Emperor stated.  
  
"How is that possible? His midichlorian count exceeded Ma- Yoda's, and he was the virgincy in the Force. He is clearly the fulfillment to the legend, according to Qui-Gon." Ben said.  
  
"Yes, according to Qui-Gon. Those pretty words are Qui-Gon's, not yours, Ben. You're much to bright for that. Do you honestly believe such a thing could occur? Balance the Force? He is dangerous. The jedi council said his future was unclear, didn't they?" the Emperor continued.  
  
"Yes, sir, but they always said the future was hard to see." Ben murmered.  
  
"Another lie. I can see the future quite clearly. The jedi council deceives everyone. They know the truth, but they refuse to tell anyone. I will tell you all about the boy, and about your master's grave mistake in choosing him over you." the Emperor hissed.  
  
Different hidden emotions were beginning to dance in Ben's eyes again. Emotions he had hidden since the day he thought Qui-Gon died were beginning to live again. He fell completely into the Emperor's dark web of deception.  
  
"The boy is so closely connected to the Force that if he were to be trained as a jedi, he would have the ability to destroy the Force. If his training is completed, life as we know it will end." the Emperor lied all too eaisly.  
  
"What can be done then?" Ben inquired.  
  
"The boy struggles with his emotions. He's so close to the Force that he could be on both the light and the dark side, thus leading to the destruction of the Force eventually. If we were to do something to completely catch his emotions and state-of-mind off guard, it might break the close bond between him and the Force." the Emperor stated.  
  
"But, that won't change his midichlorian count or the virgincy." Ben said.  
  
"That's true. However, if we disrupt his mind and spirit enough, he won't be able to reach the Force anymore. If he's caught off guard and thrown in the opposite direction, it's not likely that he will find his way back to the Force again. Even if he did find his way back, he wouldn't have nearly the same amount of strength." the Emperor continued.  
  
"But what could be done to cause such a reaction?" Ben asked.  
  
"That's simple. We must eliminate the one thing his entire life depends upon." the Emperor stated then paused for a moment. He waited until his haunting gaze met Ben's, "Kill his mother."  
  
"Kill his mother..." Ben repeated softly, although the idea disgusted him.  
  
"The trouble is, we haven't been able to locate the boy or his mother or Qui-Gon. We've searched every planet within the Empire." the Emperor said.  
  
"The Empire doesn't exist where they are.." Ben thought aloud without realizing what he was saying for the Emperor's greedy ears to hear.  
  
"I'm sure someone as brilliant as you would know exactly where to send a group to complete this mission. I'm trusting you with the mission. Don't fail me, Ben. The entire Force-dependant universe depends upon this." the Emperor stated.  
  
"But sir-" Ben started.  
  
"Ben, you've been given your orders. Don't let those jedi ideals tell you what to do. You've admitted how cruelly deceptive the jedi knights are. They would never admit to how many necessary killings they've participated in, or even the un-necessary ones. They probably want the Force to be destroyed just so we'll all be caught in such a chaotic state. You know what must be done. Do it, Ben, embrace the dark side and do what you must." the Emperor said, "You're dismissed."  
  
Ben nodded and saluted the Emperor. He quickly exited the Emperor's ship and let out a sigh. He truly didn't know what he felt about the situation anymore. His group of soldiers were awaiting his orders. An innocent life would be taken. Another life would be disrupted. Another life would be filled with even more guilt, if that was possible. He didn't know Anakin's mother, however, he knew of her and where she resided. He knew Anakin, but he couldn't honestly say he was fond of the boy. As for Qui-Gon, he knew him all too well and wanted more guilt to be brought upon the damned jedi and poor excuse for a father.  
  
Ben approached his awaiting soldiers. Without any further contemplation, he told them they would be going on a mission to take one life and only one life. He gave them the detailed directions from where to land upon the desert planet to the Skywalker home. "Kill Shmi Skywalker. Do not harm the boy or his master. The boy shall have enough problems, and the master, well, I shall deal with him on my own."  
  
[Welcome to the wonderful world of plot twists! Isn't it grand? ^_~] 


	16. expressionless facade :: bury your feeli...

Dead. She was dead. The only person in Anakin's life that mattered was dead. Gone forever. Dead. Something within him died as well. Dead. At least her spirit was freed from a slave's life. Dead. Dead. . .  
  
Padawan and master stood in the middle of the Jedi council circle. The I'm- sorry's were murmered around the circle. The sympathic glances were cast around the circle. Anakin didn't respond. In fact, he hadn't responded to much since the death of Shmi Skywalker. The dismal scene replayed constantly in his mind.  
  
"Go to bed, Annie. You've been practicing long enough with your new creation." she had said.  
  
"Okay, Mom." Anakin had replied.  
  
She hugged her son and placed a gentle kiss upon his forehead. After ruffling his dark locks, she sent him to his room. She thought she'd heard something outside. She opened the door to be sure everything was alright, but everything was far from alright. She greeted her fate at the door and welcomed it inside. After a few shots from the soldier's blaster, she fell to the floor. Anakin leapt from his bed with his lightsabre in his hand. The soldiers were gone. All the remained was the cold, dead body of Shmi Skywalker.  
  
He snapped after that. First he screamed and cried, but that didn't last long. As soon as Qui-Gon saw the dismal scene, Anakin quickly buried all of his feelings. He bottled up the fear and anger and hatred deep inside his heart, not realizing that eventually it would be shaken within him and explode. Qui-Gon could sense the over-whelming emotions being hidden. Darkness swirled within the boy's haunting orbs.  
  
Watto, despite his cheap nature, provided a proper funeral service. No tears were shed from Anakin's eyes. His face remained completely expressionless. He was cold and distant, but his emotions stirred deep within his heart. Again Qui-Gon could sense the troubled state of things. With Anakin being completely unresponsive, he knew there was only one thing he could do in order to keep Anakin from turning to the dark side.  
  
They stepped aboard the stolen Naboo cruiser and flew across the galaxy to see the Jedi council. Qui-Gon knew he would be in a great amount of trouble the moment he set foot upon the landing platform, but there was no other way. By refusing to form any sort of bond with the boy, he was unable to aid Anakin in controlling his emotions.  
  
The council tried to question Anakin, but he didn't reply. His thoughts were only of his mother. Having another grave matter at hand, they changed the topic strictly to Qui-Gon's disobediance. He was quick to explain why he made his tragic disicions. But, before the interrogations could continue, Qui-Gon changed the subject.  
  
"Have you heard from Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked.  
  
"Obi-Wan is dead," Anakin thought, "What is he doing? Even if that damned boy was alive, why would he be of any importance? My mother is dead, you damned jedi, at least act concerned!"  
  
Mace sighed and shook his head.  
  
"We haven't seen him since he left to see you. Why do you ask?" Mace stated.  
  
"As much as I hate to think he's capable of such a thing, who else would know where to find Anakin's mother? The Empire means nothing out there. That's the very reason I took Anakin back to complete his training. The only person who would know exactly where to go is Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon said softly.  
  
"What?! Obi-Wan's alive, and he's the damned one who's responcible!?" Anakin's thoughts exclaimed. Still, he forced himself to seem unresponcive and expressionless. He knew if they sensed his thoughts they would drop the subject.  
  
"Right you may be." Yoda murmered.  
  
"We have heard of him. He's a Captain in the Imperial Army. It's been rumored that the Emperor wishes to have Anakin on his side. With Obi-Wan so emotionally unstable, who knows what lies the Emperor has placed in his head." Mace stated.  
  
"Where can I find Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked.  
  
"He's been stationed on Naboo, but Qui-Gon, it's too dangerous to send you. You could very well be the next target. Their goal is to eliminate those close to Anakin in order to send him straight into the dark side. We'll send another to bring Obi-Wan before us. Let us deal with this matter." Mace said.  
  
"But, I think it would be best if I see Obi-Wan face-to-face." Qui-Gon stated firmly.  
  
"Qui-Gon, you tried to take matters into your own hands already and look at how it turned out. Two are permenantly damanged. Let us deal with this matter." Mace said.  
  
Qui-Gon nodded. For once he had to agree with the council. He had ruined enough innocent lives. Why trifle with the situation anymore?  
  
"In order to keep you safe, we'll be sending you to Alderan. It's a peaceful planet safe from the Imperial Army. It's the best place for you now." Mace continued.  
  
"And what about Anakin?" Qui-Gon asked.  
  
"We shall find out where he'd like to go. As long as it's within reason, we'll send him with the appropiate escorts. We mustn't try to train him now. He needs to go somewhere in order to clear his mind and deal with his emotions." Mace stated.  
  
"Perfect," Anakin thought, "If Obi-Wan is on Naboo, then I shall ask to go to Naboo. I'll kill him myself."  
  
"Anakin.." Mace called. He called the boy's name a few times before Anakin responded. "We would like to send you somewhere for awhile to help you clear your mind. Is there anywhere you'd prefer to go?"  
  
"N-Naboo.. sir..." Anakin stammered weakly.  
  
"Naboo it is then. We'll send the appropiate jedi to deal with certain matters and to watch over Anakin. I'm sure Amidala will be delighted to see you." Mace stated.  
  
"I'm sure Obi-Wan will be delighted too." he thought darkly.  
  
"We'll have the ships waiting for you on the platform. Qui-Gon, we'll be contacting you with further instructions once you arrive on Alderan." Mace stated.  
  
Qui-Gon nodded and bowed before the council. Anakin exited without bowing. The pair walked back toward the platform. Each boarded their ship. No words were exchanged between the two. No goodbyes. Nothing. Anakin and Qui-Gon were both completely expressionless and uncaring. Each was preoccupied by their own thoughts.  
  
Qui-Gon stared blankly into space as the ship flew toward Alderan. This was all his fault. If he hadn't tried to take matters into his own hands, everything would be fine. Obi-Wan would be a wonderful jedi knight. Anakin would've had a happy life with his mother. Everything would have been perfectly fine. But no, he took matters into his own hands and destroyed innocent lives.  
  
Anakin acted as though he was in his own little world. It was all a little scheme he was creating. He would make everyone think he was going mad. Whenever he chose to kill Obi-Wan, it wouldn't matter because they think it an act of insanity. Other dark thoughts danced in his mind, but he didn't pay too much attention to them. All he had to do was kill ObiWan. The other details would come later.  
  
One ship landed. Qui-Gon exited the cruiser and bowed before the royal couple. He explained that the jedi council had to send him away for safety purposes. The Organas, glad to protect anyone from harm, escorted the weary jedi inside without further questioning.  
  
As Anakin's ship landed, another was leaving. It was a lovely ship, and he secretly wished he owned one like it. He exited the ship and wanted to smile from the wonderous sight of Naboo. But, he reminded himself of the plan and kept up his act.  
  
"Anakin," the queen called with her usual smile, "It's been so long since I've seen you! The Jedi council told me you'd be coming. You've certainly changed. What has happened to my funny little boy?"  
  
Anakin wanted to reply, but for the sake of his plan, he didn't.  
  
"They weren't lying about his condition. Well, let's get him inside. Perhaps he'll be more talkative later," Amidala said, hiding any sort of worry she felt. 


	17. bitter encounter :: oh how the truth hur...

Ben's elegant, blue cruiser went soaring into the Naboo sky. He passed an incoming ship but didn't take much notice of it. His annoyed mind was focused upon other matters. The conversation replayed itself in his troubled mind.  
  
"But, sir, why must I return to Alderan? It hasn't been a week since I left." Ben inquired of the Emperor's hologram.  
  
"There are pressing matters you must attend to on Alderan." the Emperor replied.  
  
"And those matters are...?" Ben questioned.  
  
"Anakin's master has been sent there by the jedi council." the Emperor stated. Ben's heart seemed to have leapt into his throat. He said nothing at first. "Yes, Master Jinn is on your beloved planet. This is your chance for revenge."  
  
"I.. I don't want revenge. Obi-Wan is dead. Qui-Gon means nothing to me." Ben replied softly.  
  
"Whether you chose to consider this a revenge mission or not, Master Jinn must be eliminated. As Anakin's master, he is a threat to our cause. The moment he is reunited with Anakin, he could try to lead the boy back to the Force. We must be sure that doesn't happen. Qui-Gon must be killed." the Emperor hissed.  
  
"Fine, he will die," Ben said with forced confidence in hopes of hiding his true feelings from the Emperor, "but why must I go? I didn't personally see to the execution of Shmi Skywalker. My troops could eaisly go on this mission-"  
  
"No. You know just as well as I do that the Organas would not allow Imperial Army troops to storm into their palace and murder their esteemed guest. You are the only one who can get past the Organas and kill Master Jinn without causing a galatic incident. Now, there will be no more discussion. Return to Alderan, kill Master Jinn, and then you are free to return to your little queen." the Emperor stated firmly.  
  
"Yes, sir." Ben replied.  
  
"And Ben, you might as well consider this a revenge mission. It's a golden opportunity for you to use the Force with your true feelings. Show Master Jinn just how bad the dark side can be." the Emperor said with a slight cackle in his voice as his hologram vanished.  
  
Ben sighed as he soared through the starry vastness of space. He wasn't quite sure just how he would accomplish this mission. Although hatred continued to blossom in his heart, he didn't want to kill Qui-Gon; he was quite content with letting guilt slowly kill the old man. He had thought the night he returned the lightsabre and allowed Obi-Wan to die would be the last time he would have to see the terrible man he once called master, but, of course, he thought wrong. The elusive, bad feeling was beginning to take hold of Ben as he slowly made his way toward Alderan.  
  
Murder. The word taunted him. Although Ben let his heart slowly slip into the hands of the dark side, some little piece of Obi-Wan's was still alive and pleading. It simply wasn't in his nature to kill unless it was the only way. Perhaps in this case it was the only way. But, perhaps not. That possibility kept Obi-Wan's heart beating despite Ben's efforts to destroy it.  
  
"Perhaps I could tell the Organas that Qui-Gon was sent on a mission to kill them. They would be so distrought that they'd allow me to go in and eliminate him with a few quick shots from my blaster. Or, they may even send the Alderan security force on him. Even better. The blood won't be on my hands that way." he pondered aloud, "Or, perhaps, I could tell Qui-Gon the truth about the situation and help him flee somewhere safe."  
  
After realizing what he said, his blood seemed to boil a little. "But why would I do that? Why is that even an option? Oh, Obi-Wan just stay dead! I'm not you anymore, and he's not my master!" he hissed.  
  
He sighed. "Perhaps I am still the same naive Obi-Wan Kenobi, perhaps, just a little... but, Qui-Gon isn't my master, and he certainly isn't much of a father-figure. By training Anakin, he has put us all in danger, therefore by order of the Emperor, I must eliminate him. It's not murder, really, it's just the only way to ensure the safety of the galaxy and to prevent any futher star wars."  
  
With that thought nearly taunting his mind, he landed his cruiser in the Alderan palace's hanger. After stepping out of the ship, he was greeted by the guards. The palace servants greeted him as well. Alderan was certainly becomming home to him, and he couldn't risk Qui-Gon somehow ruining that.  
  
"Ben, it's so good to have you around the palace again. How long will you be staying with us?" a servant asked as he escorted Ben inside.  
  
"Oh, not long. Two days maybe. The Emperor sent me to deal with a little matter, that's all." Ben stated.  
  
"Ah, I see. Shall I let the majesties know you're here?" the servant asked.  
  
"Yes, please." Ben replied.  
  
They walked up one of the gorgeous, spiral staircases and down the hallway toward the main audience chamber. Ben stopped, thus causing the servant to stop, when he heard an all-too-familiar voice casually chatting with the Organas.  
  
"Wait," Ben whispered, "I know that man. Let me just spy a little bit, hm?"  
  
The servant nodded and awaited further instruction from Ben.  
  
"So the jedi council sent you here for safety? Why what an honor! We've never met one of the jedi. We strongly support their peaceful ways of enforcing the laws, and we do wish to aid them in any way we can." the queen stated.  
  
Ben rolled his eyes and struggled to hold back a sigh. Everything would be alright as long as the king didn't go into one of his "And our son, well he's not really our son, Ben..." stories.  
  
"And our son, well he's not really our son, Ben," the king began.  
  
Ben closed his eyes and nearly twitched. He had seen it coming. He didn't even need the Force in order to forsee this future.  
  
"he told me once that he used to be a jedi, but he didn't really agree with their ways anymore. Strange, I suppose. Ben is such a peaceful boy. In fact, I'm not quite sure why he's in the Imperial Army; it doesn't seem to be the right place for him. Still, he was building one the laser swords-" the king continued.  
  
"Lightsabre?" Qui-Gon correctly softly.  
  
"Yes, a lightsabre. He was building one right before he left. I wonder if he ever finished it.." the king said.  
  
"I wonder what he would need one for. If he was opposed the jedi customs, I'm sure he must've hated to re-create a jedi's weapon. Perhaps he was planning to return to the jedi." Qui-Gon stated.  
  
"No, he always said he wasn't returning to the jedi, but he never said just what he was building it for. Something to do with orders from the Emperor, I believe..." the queen stated softly.  
  
"I know a boy who became opposed to the jedi ways; it was my fault entirely. I've heard that he joined the Imperial Army. Perhaps we know the same boy?" Qui-Gon suggested, desperately trying to talk about Obi-Wan.  
  
Ben certainly didn't like where the conversation was going. He nodded at the servant to inform the Organas of his presence. Qui-Gon would be dealt with once and for all.  
  
"Your majesties, I'm deeply sorry for the interruption, but your beloved Ben has returned." the servant said with a bright smile.  
  
"Well send him in!" the king demanded.  
  
Ben quickly strolled in the room, his black boots clicked against the floor. He gave a bow to the Organas and paid no attention to the astonished jedi.  
  
"I won't be able to stay long. The Emperor has sent me to deal with a little matter but-" Ben tried to quickly explain, but he was interrupted, of course.  
  
"Ben, you must meet Master Jinn. The jedi council sent him here for safety purposes. Isn't it delightful that Alderan is being recognized for its peaceful qualities?" the queen stated happily.  
  
"Yes, delightful." Ben murmered.  
  
"Come on now, son, meet Master Jinn." the king said to Ben, then he turned his attention to the still astonished Qui-Gon, "Master Jinn, this is the closest thing we have to a son, Captain Ben Kenobi."  
  
Things certainly weren't going to go according to his plans. He should've known the Organas would be delighted by the presence of a real jedi knight. Still, he managed to keep his thoughts to himself and forced himself to offer a hand to Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon tried desperately to have eye contact with Ben, but he looked away. They shook hands and nothing was spoken between them. Ben thought perhaps he could talk to Organas alone, but oh no, things never seem to work out like that.  
  
"Forgive me again, your majesties, but there's a hologram that awaits you." the servant said.  
  
"Well shall return shortly. Son, please be so kind as to entertain our guest." the queen stated softly as she and the king left the room.  
  
"I didn't think the Emperor would send someone after me this quickly. In fact, I never really thought I was a real target. Mace sent me here as a precaution really..." Qui-Gon stated.  
  
"I'm not going to kill you." Ben stated. The moment the words escaped his lips, he immediately wanted to kill the little bit of Obi-Wan that remained in his cold heart. Still, perhaps this was a better way. "You can leave by nightfall, and I'll tell the Emperor you weren't here when I arrived. I suggest you get as far away from the Empire as possible, or else they'll send me after you until I kill you."  
  
"Oh, Obi-Wan, I knew there was hope for you." Qui-Gon said softly.  
  
"Oh no, don't start one of those speeches. You're not my master anymore, so save your speeches for someone else. I'm not Obi-Wan anymore. I'm Captain Ben Kenobi. The Emperor has shown me what the dark side has to offer, and I can't honestly tell you I ever wanted to resist. So why am I not killing you this very moment? It would devestate the Organas, really. Alderan has become a home to me. The king has become like a real father with sincere feelings and kept promises unlike you. I don't want to risk losing their respect and adoration." Ben said.  
  
"Obi-Wan, I understand your hatred, but please, don't give in to the dark side. It will deceive you now and betray you in the end." Qui-Gon stated.  
  
"I'm sure you know all about that. However, I don't look to the dark side as a master and a father. I don't try my very best to make the dark side happy. I don't live my life simply for the dark side. If it deceives me and betrays me, it certainly won't wound me as deeply as you did." Ben said as tears started to fill his gray-blue eyes.  
  
Qui-Gon said nothing. Simply looking at those tear-filled eyes of his once adoring padawan caused him to be speechless. Ben's words felt like daggers piecing every part of Qui-Gon's heart. As tears fell from Ben's eyes, it felt as though drops of blood fell from Qui-Gon's heart. But no words were exchanged between the two. Ben left the room to regain his composure and to think of excuses to give himself and Emperor. Qui-Gon sat down and held his head in his hands.  
  
"I fill my head with jaded lies because the truth is best unknown. But why? Why is it best unknown?" he thought aloud, "Because the truth hurts so much..." 


	18. complex confessions :: love is such a tr...

[Well... the reviews haven't been so great lately. ;_; I guess I should take this as an opportunity to clarify something. I know MOST of us really, really love Obidala stories, however this is not going to be one. Don't worry, it'll have it's moments in part three, but this isn't a happy story. This saga isn't classified as a happy romance. Nope. It's classified as angst. Therefore, no Obidala mushy-ness. Besides, I couldn't write a mushy saga if I really, really tried... *shrugs* So, I'm terribly sorry. I know part two hasn't been the greatest, and I'm very sorry about that. However, part three is going to be great. I promise you that much. ^_^]  
  
  
  
Dressed in simple handmaiden's attire, Amidala sighed as she studied the silent Anakin. A far-off gaze danced in his marble-like orbs, and a morbid expression was painted upon his weary face. He looked as though he hadn't slept in days which was probably true. Although he was near motionless, his mind was in constant motion. So many plans to plot and actions to act upon. So many possibilities to ponder and thoughts to remember.  
  
"Well, it's been so long since we've talked. I... I still have the necklace you gave me. Ben really liked it." she said.  
  
His morbid expression turned to one of puzzlement. She noticed and almost giggled at the sudden change.  
  
"Obi-Wan, I mean. He goes by Ben now. I'm not quite sure why. He wouldn't really talk about it." she said.  
  
He stared at her as if to ask her to continue.  
  
"I suppose you haven't seen Obi-Wan over all these years. Well, he's spent a lot of time here." she said with a bright smile, "Everything is so much happier when he's around. He's such a nice distraction from the needs of Naboo. He loves me; he really loves me. That's the best thing about him. He doesn't see me as just a queen. When he says all those pretty things, he's talking to me, not the queen. You see, everyone compliments me. Everyone is nice to me. They have to be, I suppose, because I'm a queen. I have the power they want. But when Obi-Wan talks to me, it's different. It's simply wonderful."  
  
Anakin nearly rolled his eyes, but for the sake of gathering information he forced an expression of interest.  
  
"But.. things haven't been so perfect lately. It's not Obi-Wan's fault. Not at all..." she said as a tear slowly rolled down her cheek.  
  
Anakin slowly reached out and held one of her hands. He didn't really mean to, but he hated to see her cry. She smiled at him slightly.  
  
"When Obi-Wan came here, the Clone Wars were beginning. He wanted to protect me, so he decided to join the Imperial Army and help guard Naboo. But the Emperor knew of our affections and used Obi-Wan to make me cooperate. If I tried to go against the Empire in the slightest of ways, he would send Obi-Wan away. Obi-Wan would think he was going on a diplomatic mission." she said, then paused for a moment. "What he didn't know was that the Emperor had given his men the command to kill him if I didn't comply with the wishes of the Empire."  
  
A smirk nearly danced across Anakin's lips. The Emperor seemed to be a brilliant man, but he couldn't admit that to Amidala. He continued to act deeply concerned for her, but he was beginning to have an admiration for the Empire.  
  
"I.. I had said that if the rebels were to land on Naboo, I wouldn't kill them. The Emperor was furious with me, and he sent Obi-Wan away for a year. An entire year without my sweet Obi-Wan..." she said softly.  
  
"Good ridence," Anakin thought.  
  
"Things became even worse once he left. The officals in the palace kept insisting that Obi-Wan and I must be married as soon as he returned. We had never even discussed an engagement." she said, her voice trailing off to a near whisper. She sighed and gazed out the window, silently wishing Obi-Wan would return. She closed her eyes for a moment and allowed visions of her beloved one dance in her head. She shook her head and slowly walked toward Anakin. He looked so unhappy, yet he said nothing. He seemed interested in learning of her affairs since they went their seperate ways, so she sat in the chair across from him and tried to gather her thoughts again to continue.  
  
The conversation was beginning to disgust Anakin. The mere thought of Obi- Wan marrying his beautiful, angelic Amidala made him feel sick.  
  
"I love him," she finally continued, "I truly love him, and because of that, I can't marry him. By marrying him, Obi-Wan will be forever bound to Naboo. He won't have the freedom to leave anymore. Although I would love having him here all the time, I know he would be unhappy. Also, by marrying him, the Emperor would continue to control Naboo. He would continue to threaten me with Obi-Wan's life."  
  
It was a tragic situation, Anakin admitted that much. Still, he was delighted by the fact that Amidala wouldn't be married to Obi-Wan.  
  
"But, I haven't told Obi-Wan yet. The Naboo officals won't allow us to keep up this flirtatious relationship unless we're to be married. If I tell him that, he'll insist that we get married, the consequences won't matter to him then. So how can I... oh, I don't even want to think of it. He's never hurt me, never left me, never done anything I wouldn't approve of..." she said.  
  
Then in a tone both monotone and morbid, Anakin interrupted, "He killed my mother." 


	19. death's chill :: another life lost in de...

Ben sat in his dimly lit quarters and stared blankly at the ceiling. Things certainly weren't going according to his plans. But, things hadn't really gone like that since a certain battle against Darth Maul so many years ago.  
  
Why? That question taunted him. It had taunted him for years. Why did Qui- Gon fake his death? Why did he keep the truth hidden? Why did he chose to train such a dangerous boy? Why did he leave? Why did he try to turn an innocent queen into a pawn in his jaded game? Why had he gone mad? Why had he returned? Why did he dare to tell of the dark side's deception? Why? Why. . .  
  
Snap. Hiss.  
  
That noice was all too familiar to his weary ears. He glanced across the room and found his light sabre upon the floor, cold and untouched. He had thrown it in his irritated rage, vowing to never use a jedi's weapon again. If his light sabre hadn't been activated, there was only one other that could be. He quickly leapt from his chair and snatched the cold weapon from the floor. With a jedi's speed, he raced down the hallway and into the guest quarters. How had he heard such a noice from that distance? Damned jedi skills.  
  
A haunting gaze danced in Qui-Gon's eyes as he began to turn the brilliant, green blade toward himself. Ben, with his cat-like grace and speed, activated his light sabre and deflected Qui-Gon's from piercing through. The older man stared in disbelief.  
  
"This is wrong, Mas-, Qui-Gon." Ben said.  
  
"How is it wrong? You're going to kill me eventually, so why can't I save you the trouble?" Qui-Gon inquired.  
  
"I'm not going to kill you. I'll find some way around it. Don't do this... please." Ben pleaded.  
  
"Why are you so concerned now? Moments before your arrival, you were ready to kill me. Your life would be a little less complex without me in it. Your mission would be completed if I was dead. Your Emperor would be pleased if you killed me." Qui-Gon said, nearly in monotone.  
  
"But my conscience wouldn't be clear, my heart would ache from guilt, and my mind would never be able to grasp what had occured. Killing you isn't the answer." Ben replied.  
  
"Revenge. Wouldn't you like revenge? I hurt you terribly; wouldn't you like the chance for revenge?" Qui-Gon questioned.  
  
"I've had the opportunity before. Killing you isn't the answer." Ben stated firmly.  
  
"Then let me kill myself." Qui-Gon said, nearly hissing as he tried to push the blue lightsabre away. Ben was quick to respond, as the lightsabres clashed again. It was becomming a battle of strength as the two fought to keep control over the other.  
  
"You have no reason to do this. Just escape while you still can. It doesn't need to be this way." Ben stated.  
  
"No, I've ruined too many lives. I've destroyed your life and Anakin's. In the midst of that destruction, I've also destroyed my own life. Everyday I've driven myself deeper into madness wondering where you were, if you were alright, if you were on the dark side. I've ceased to make lifeforms happy, therefore it's only logical that I take my own life for the good of other innocent lifeforms." Qui-Gon whispered in a haunting tone.  
  
His words acted as the worst sort of distraction. Ben was enthralled by the words for a moment too long. Qui-Gon had moved his lightsabre back toward himself and proceeded to pierce it through his midsection just as the sith should've. Ben let out a scream of pure agony, just as he had when the security curtain trapped him from aiding his master.  
  
Qui-Gon's weary body fell almost lifelessly to the floor. His lightsabre, deactivated, fell beside him with a loud clatter. Ben kneeled beside the fallen jedi knight and held the old man's head in his hands. He was still breathing, but it was clearly difficult and painful.  
  
"This... this isn't your... fault..." Qui-Gon stammered.  
  
"But, Master-" Ben replied with tears glistening in his innocent, gray-blue eyes.  
  
"That innocence... I thought it.. was.. dead." Qui-Gon mumbled softly, "but it's still there.. in your.. eyes."  
  
Ben nodded, unsure of what else to do or say.  
  
"Promise me.. promise..." Qui-Gon stammered.  
  
"Yes, Master," Ben replied.  
  
"Go back... to the.. council... to the... light... side. Leave the.. dark.. side and the... empire. Promise.." he mumbled.  
  
"Of course, Master." Ben replied.  
  
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan... so sorry.." Qui-Gon mumbled as he slowly began to fade away.  
  
"No! Master, don't leave me! Master!" Ben cried out as the older man faded away until he vanished into the Force.  
  
Hours seemed like days as they slowly passed. He stared blankly as though he expected his master to live again, but of course he never reappeared. The Organas tried to comfort Ben, but he ignored their efforts. The wound upon his heart was too fresh and too deep to be comforted so easily.  
  
Why?  
  
The question continued to taunt him. He didn't understand. Everything was so painfully jaded. Reality was cold and cruel.  
  
Why?  
  
He had called Qui-Gon "Master" again. He had treated him with undeserved respect. He had tried to keep Qui-Gon among the living. He had allowed the innocence to return to his gray-blue eyes.  
  
Why?  
  
He grieved, cried, screamed in agony. He wished there was something more he could've done. Pain dwelled deeply in his wounded heart.  
  
Why?  
  
Why. . . 


	20. molded clay :: her inner child was destr...

[Otay, let me just go ahead and say a few things about this chapter. Ever read the Queen Amidala journal? Well, you should, it's great (although the target audiance is probably for little kids, still). Anyways, there are little things she mentions in there about her family. I'm going to use some of those things here, but with a little twist (of course). In the journal, she mentions little things, but doesn't share any specific memories ('cept of Winama but that's different). So, I'm going to write some in there. Also, her mother doesn't die in the journal. So, with all that in mind, here's the conclusion to part two. Thanks again for the reviews and the tolerance for the boring chapters.]  
  
  
  
Her heart pounded almost painfully in her chest as her tears continued to fall. She hugged her knees to her chest and rocked herself back-and-forth like a frightened child. Her long, chocolate locks draped over her like a protective curtain. But she didn't feel safe. She felt fear, pain, agony. She felt as though her heart had been ripped out of her chest and broken. But, the continuous pounding reminded her it was still there and beating.  
  
A hideously evil grin danced upon his lips. Perfection. Although he truly hated to hurt the young and beautiful queen, he simply saw no other way to achieve his goal. Obi-Wan certainly didn't deserve Amidala's affections, therefore Anakin had every intention of taking them for himself. When she had poured out her heart about her love for Obi-Wan, Anakin said the one thing that could completely disrupt her thoughts and feelings, "He killed my mother."  
  
That simple comment affected her so deeply on so many levels. Shmi was a kind and caring woman. In their meeting, she had been a gracious host to the stranded bunch. Amidala had paid close attention to Shmi's soft yet distinct expressions. Shmi had looked upon Anakin with a constant expression of both undying love and sadness. It was an expression the young queen knew all too well, for her mother held that same look.  
  
He had made himself seem lost in madness by rambling on-and-on about various memories of his mother. It seemed to have a strong impact upon the suddenly fragile queen. She had gasped with an expression of pure sickness upon her otherwise lovely face before leaving the room in a tearful display.  
  
Memories. For so long, Amidala had closed off her heart to those memories. She was the daughter of a farmer and had spent her childhood in a peasant upbringing. She had never felt ashamed of it; in fact, she was proud, for she wasn't unaware of the needs of the real people of Naboo unlike so many former leaders. Her mother, despite the lack of beautiful adornments, was angelic to the young Amidala. Her gentle hands would braid Amidala's chocolate locks. Her kind eyes were always focused upon Amidala. Her soft yet distinct expression of both love and sadness was for Amidala. She knew her beautiful daughter was too bright and too wonderful to live a peasant's life. Despite her mother's insistence, Amidala never wanted to leave. Although every cell in her body was dedicated to Naboo, her heart was always dedicated to her mother.  
  
He had told her of the horrific night when they murdered his mother. He didn't exactly enjoy telling her the details, but he knew they were necessary. The haunting gaze that began to dance in her eyes was all the reassurance he needed.  
  
Her mother had been murdered. When the Trade Federation started moving people into camps, her mother had, of course, fought against them. She screamed for the people to fight back and support her daughter, but no one fought. There was too much fear in their hearts. She continued to fight, and the droids shot her for it. Amidala, however, didn't learn of her death until much later. After aiding Obi-Wan through his troubles, the grave news was brought before her. Dead. The woman who carried her, gave birth to her, raised her, sent her out into the world was dead. Murdered. Gone forever. Dead.  
  
Revenge was supposed to taste sweet. After finishing the appetizer, Anakin was quite ready to move toward the main course of sweet-tasting dish. Revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge. Amidala would soon become mere clay in his hands to mold into a creature who loathed, not loved, Obi-Wan.  
  
She continued to sob as she clutched a small amulet in her hands. Her father had found the sleek, blue stone in the midst of his field. Her mother had made the elaborately designed clasp for it. That simple amulet held all the love and protection from her beloved parents. She clutched it as if she thought it would bring her mother back.  
  
"Your majesty," Anakin's still soft, yet deeper voice called.  
  
She slowly lifted her head and pushed the soft strands of hair out of her face. She stared at him blankly.  
  
"I... I didn't mean to upset you.." he stammered with fake, innocent concern.  
  
"You didn't upset me, Annie," she replied softly, "It was just a little difficult to listen to. But, you didn't explain what Obi-Wan had to do with it. I'm not sure I understand..."  
  
"Your majesty," he said gently as he stepped toward her, "You know that the republic doesn't exist upon my planet. There is only one person who would know of my mother and where she resided."  
  
"That doesn't mean he did it. Obi-Wan isn't like that. He's gentle and kind and-" she murmered.  
  
"The council confirmed our suspisions. It seems he's turned to the dark side." he said.  
  
Fear started to dance in her eyes. How could he have turned? How could he have become so cold and evil? They had been seperated for a year, but could he have changed that much? It had appeared that his time spent on Alderaan had been a positive experience. How could this have occured?  
  
Seeming to have sensed her puzzlement, Anakin added, "Those trained in the evil ways are very good at masking their emotions. He could've turned at any time, and you would've never suspected it. Just be glad he didn't try to harm you..."  
  
"How can I be glad? I wish he had harmed me so I'd know he was truly evil. I only know him as kind, gentle, perfect... not as a cold and cruel monster. The Obi-Wan I know would never murder anyone!" she said as tears started to fall again.  
  
"Exactly, the Obi-wan you know." he said as he gently placed a warm hand upon her face and softly wiped a few tears away, "But I know the true Obi- Wan, the monster he has become. He hurt you... me... Qui-Gon-"  
  
"Qui-Gon deserved it; he deserved nothing but pain after what he did to Obi- Wan," she said, then sighed. She hated to sound so cruel, but a definate hatred rested in her heart for Qui-Gon. "I'm tired of all this deception. I don't understand why it has to be like this."  
  
"Not everyone is so deceptive. I understand your pain. I was also deceived. I thought Qui-Gon really wanted to train me. I never knew he left Obi-Wan like that. He was so cruel. Then Obi-Wan, I didn't know he hated me so much. Maybe he just did it to spite Qui-Gon. But... that terrible man killed my mother." he said, still gently wiping away her tears, "I'm tired of the deception. I'm not like that, you know."  
  
Her tearful gaze met his. Her eyes, glistening and innocent, stared into his as if expecting something to heal the wound that had be inflicted upon her weary, fragile heart.  
  
"I still think you're an angel, you know. You deserve someone much better," he whispered as he softly brushed his lips against hers, "Someone like me."  
  
[Dun Dun Dun! So, why are ya just sitting there staring in shock and disbelief? Review already! So.... do ya want me to write part three?] 


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